


A Thousand Little Pieces

by lea_ysaye



Series: Town & Country [5]
Category: Actor RPF, Norman Reedus - Fandom, The Boondock Saints RPF, The Walking Dead RPF
Genre: Accidents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Headaches & Migraines, Het, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Infection, M/M, Sickfic, Whump, this is a sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 05:11:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7300828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lea_ysaye/pseuds/lea_ysaye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lea is recovering from her accident, and Norman looks after her at home in Georgia. Naturally, they are confronted with a whole new set of obstacles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Let me say it again: This is fanfiction. None of it is real. I make up all the drama in my head, and I have no knowledge about the actors’ private lives beyond what they share with all of us on social media.
> 
> And we're back! :) I wonder how big a mess they'll get into this time.

“Norman?”

Groggy from her nap Lea pushed herself to sitting and squinted toward the hallway, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. What had woken her from her drugged doze had been the crashing of the front door, and now she could hear hurried, heavy footsteps. But nobody came into view through the doorframe she could see from the sofa.

Where had he gone? Everything – kitchen, living room, stairs to the upper floor – lay toward the back of the house, past the bit of hallway Lea could see. Only the downstairs bathroom was off to one side from the entrance, and invisible from where Lea sat.

“Not again,” she muttered as she took hold of her left leg and heaved it off the sofa. She put the foot down gingerly, swearing a little under her breath. Just as she reached for her crutches she could hear the echoey sound of retching from the small bathroom.

“Shit,” she said aloud and pushed herself to standing, trying to ignore the throbbing in her hip. As she started hobbling across the living room she heard a door open upstairs, and next moment Mingus came loping down the steps.

“Lea, you ok?” He looked concerned as Lea passed him as quickly as she could.

“It’s not me, it’s your dad. Come and give me a hand?”

They hurried down the hallway toward the bathroom, where they could still hear Norman being violently sick. Lea muttered curses under her breath. If the migraine was already bad enough to make him throw up he would need a lot of help in the next few days, and she, with her busted hip and barely healed shoulder, would be as good as useless. _Thank goodness for Mingus being here,_ Lea thought, but felt guilty right away for involving the boy, once again, in drama.

When Lea and Mingus came to a stop outside the bathroom they could hear the toilet being flushed. Lea leaned heavily on her crutches. Oh how she longed to sit down. She placed a hand against the door and called softly, “Hun, you want me in there, or…”

The door swung open to reveal Norman, leaning heavily against the wall. Lea’s heart twisted with worry. He was paper-white and sweaty, hair sticking to his forehead. He regarded her with red, swollen eyes, but his gaze was absent and strangely fuzzy.

“Oh honey…,” Lea sighed. “You’re taking your pills, how can you be having a migraine?”

“’s not a…,” Norman started, but then shuddered and closed his eyes. It looked for a moment like he would turn around and throw up again, but then he just lowered his head. “Not migraine…”

“Tick fever,” Mingus said quietly behind Lea.

She looked around. “What?”

“Dog tick fever,” Mingus repeated. “If he says it’s not his head it’s gotta be that. Ehrlichiosis. They get it all the time down here. Dad more than most. Ain’t hat a surprise.”

“Sweet blood’s cursed,” Norman said croakily. Then he made an effort to focus on Lea. “Gotta…gotta go lie down…why you up? You shouldn’t be walking around…”

What his feverish, dazed mind had planned Lea didn’t know, but he took a wobbly step toward her, one hand reaching out. Next thing she knew there was a sharp pain in her hip and back as Norman staggered and lurched into her hard.

Lea yelped with pain as her back hit the wall and she slid down a few inches before she was able to catch herself.

“Dad!”

Mingus leapt in front of Lea and grabbed on to Norman before he could bring them all crashing to the floor. Holding his shaking father upright the boy turned his head. “Lea you ok?”

“’m fine,” she gasped automatically. Her heart was racing, her pelvis throbbed with every heartbeat. Dark spots were threatening to erupt before her eyes, but Lea willed them down. “Take…take him upstairs…”

Mingus was still gazing at her with a frown. “You sure you ok? You look you’re gonna pass out.”

“I just need a minute, I’ll come upstairs as soon as I get my breath back.”

“Babe, ‘m sorry,” Norman slurred and clumsily reached for her hand. Lea took his burning fingers in hers and stroked them for a moment.

“It’s ok, hun. No harm done. Go with Mingus now, I’ll be up shortly.”

“Ok.”

“Honestly, you two...one as hopeless as the other,” Mingus mumbled as he shifted Norman onto his other side to get a better grip. “C’mon, dad, before I got to wipe one of you off the floor. Or more puke…”

Lea watched as the two of them slowly made their way up the stairs. It was an oddly touching sight, the blond boy, a full head taller already than his father, supporting his sick dad. With a deep breath she straightened up and got her crutches untangled, then limped slowly over to a chair against the opposite wall. Her left shoulder suddenly hurt a lot again.

When she had lowered herself carefully onto the chair Lea closed her eyes and breathed through the pain until it started to dissipate, and she could be reasonably sure she wouldn’t pass out.

What now? At the moment she really didn’t have the physical strength to look after a sick Norman. And Mingus was due to start work with Greg on Monday. And, belatedly, Lea realized something else. Who would help _her_? Norman had been amazing since bringing her back from the hospital, taking care of all her needs and spending every spare minute with her, making sure she wouldn’t want for anything. It would be at least several days before he would be well enough to even leave the bed. Lea didn’t know much about tick-borne bacteria, but he would require antibiotics and rest, that much was apparent.

With a sigh Lea got back to her feet and started the long journey up the stairs. She would have to call Dr. Patel for a house visit again, and decide who else they could pester for help.

*

“Hey, Lea.”

“Andy!”

Lea rolled over and pushed herself to half sitting on the bed. She was lying next to Norman, who was in a fitful doze, shivering and seized again and again by a painful sounding cough. Dr. Patel had left twenty minutes ago and ever since Lea had been trying to calm Norman, gently stroking his back as he fussed and moaned, never really waking up.

“Look at you,” Andy said, shaking his head as he came into the room. Mingus followed right behind him, carrying a bucket around to Norman’s side of the bed.

“I called Andy,” the boy said with a fleeting look at Lea that reminded her forcefully of the way Norman looked at her when he thought he had done something wrong. “The doctor said I should ask someone for help…”

“Yes, of course,” Lea said, trying to smile and dispel the boy’s nervousness. “I’m sorry, Ming. I should’ve thought of that myself.”

That damned pain and the narcotics haze, and her worry for Norman as his fever rose and he became more and more confused and restless as they waited for the doctor, had made her forget all about Mingus.

“This is the kidney infection all over again, huh?” Andy sat by Norman’s side and looked down at him with eyes full of worried affection.

Lea sighed. “Yeah, it is. Only, this time I can’t be there for him, which makes it worse…”

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, that’s why I came.”

Just then Norman groaned and rolled over onto his back. He rubbed his eyes, looking around blearily. “Andy? W’you doin’ere?”

“Checking to see how you are, mate.”

“Ok,” Norman said vaguely, then suddenly curled up on his side with a hiss, arms wrapped around his middle.

“You need the bathroom, man?”

“Yeah…”

Andy stood as Norman started pushing himself up clumsily, then helped him clamber off the bed.

“’s ok,” Norman mumbled. “Can go on m’own…”

“If you’re sure... I’m right here, ok?” Andy looked after Norman with a little frown as Norman made his way toward the en suite on unsteady legs. Then Andy turned toward the bed again, head slightly cocked toward the bathroom. Lea knew he was listening carefully, in case Norman needed help.

“How’re you holding up?”

Lea shrugged, pulling herself up to lean against the headboard. “Ok, I guess. But I’m beat. It’s getting late, and I won’t be able to stay awake much longer. I’d kill for some Tramadol, my hip’s really achy.”

“Let’s get him settled again and then you can both go to sleep. I’m staying here tonight.”

“You sure? There must be better things for you to do on a Friday night.”

Andy shrugged. “I’m boring, I never go out. I can just as well fall asleep watching the telly over here.”

His smile was kind and warm, and Lea felt incredibly relieved and grateful. Andy was so nice…

They could hear the toilet being flushed, and a moment later Norman reappeared. He was now a sickly shade of gray and clung to the doorframe hard. Andy was by his side in a few strides and Norman sank against his friend with a shaky sigh as Andy put his arm around him.

“Let’s get you back to bed. How’re you feeling?”

“Like shit. Everything hurts, like something’s on fire in my joints. And I dunno if I’m done in there.” Norman gestured vaguely at the bathroom as he and Andy slowly covered the few steps to the bed. “Everything’s come loose at once on the inside…”

“I’ll be nearby, call me if you need to get up, ok?” Andy turned to Lea. “Ticks, right?”

“Yeah. Dr. Patel brought Doxycycline. It’s over on the dresser. In fact,” Lea added as she reached out to help Norman stretch out by her side. “He should take a couple now. I want him to eat something with them, but…”

Norman actually gagged at the words, and Andy looked down at him with worry. “Not gonna happen, huh?”

“No,” Lea sighed.

As Andy went over to where the pills were Norman turned over with difficulty and glanced at her, eyes not quite managing to focus. He reached out clumsily and stroked her face for a moment. Lea regarded him, fondness and worry strong in her heart. He was so sweet, why did these things keep happening to him?

“Y’should go sleep in the spare room. I’ll keep you awake, I’ll be up and down all night. Y’need t’rest…”

“Nah, honey,” she said, shaking her head. “I’d just worry and be up to check on you every ten minutes. At least when you wake me up here I know you’re still breathing.”

“Thanks, babe,” he said, looking a little embarrassed.

Lea smiled at him sadly and placed her hand on top of his where it lay against her face still. “What a mess we are.”

“You can say that again…”

“Here you go, you two.” Andy handed each of them a glass and a couple of pills. “Tramadol for you, Lea. And antibiotics for Norman.”

They swallowed their pills, Andy towering over them like a stern father. “And now, bedtime. No more talking, get some rest. Mingus and I will hold the fort.”

*

“Ouch!”

Lea woke with a yell of pain. A sharp stab was shooting down her left leg from the hip, and up her side. If felt like someone had slapped her, hard, right on top of the only just healed incision from her hip operation.

She struggled to open her eyes – it was dark, she could see hardly anything – to a confused tangle of limbs and sheets. Then the pain suddenly doubled as Norman gripped her hard on the thigh.

“Norman! Don’t…what…oww!”

She tried to pull away from his vice-like grip while at the same time getting her arm under him to help him sit up. She thought she knew what was going on, and he confirmed her suspicion a second later, voice thick with nausea.

“Sick… gonna throw up…”

“There’s a…a…,” Lea pressed out from between clenched teeth. “A bucket, on the other side. Hun, you just gotta turn over, lemme help…” But she had a hunch that it was already too late.

“Lea!”

The overhead light clicked on and Lea’s head whipped around to see Andy striding across the room and over to Norman’s side of the bed. Then there was a retching sound and next moment Lea felt something wet soak into the front of her t-shirt. She focused back on Norman just when he gagged again, this time soaking himself and the sheets.

“Mate, c’mere, it’s ok…” Andy’s arms came around Norman and pulled him to sitting, away from Lea. “Here, lean forward a bit, that’s it.”

Lea watched Norman’s back shaking as he hunched over the bucket, bringing up yet more sick. She reached out and put her hand between his shoulder blades, stroking him gently through the sweat-soaked shirt, her own pain mixed sickeningly with her worry for her guy.

“Jeez,” came Mingus’s voice from the door. Lea turned around as the boy came into the room, shaking his head. “Lea, you ok? You yelled loud enough to startle the birds outta the tree by my window.”

She gave a shaky nod and started to push herself to sitting, lifting her still aching left leg until her foot touched the floor. The sick-covered shirt stuck to her front and she grimaced. “I’m fine. He didn’t mean to hurt me, he’s just real confused.”

“Mingus,” Andy said, still crouching by Norman’s side and holding him steady by the shoulders as Norman continued to dry heave. “Help Lea sit in the armchair by the window?”

Mingus nodded, his face serious and all grown up. “And you help dad clean up. I’ll change the sheets.”

The boy was gentle when he helped Lea to her feet and led her to the chair by the panorama windows. He had been sweetness and solicitousness himself since he had come over the weekend before once his school had broken for the summer, and having Norman and Mingus both care for her so well and without fuss had helped Lea enormously not to feel too depressed over what had happened.

“Thanks, Ming,” Lea sighed as she sank into the armchair. Her head still felt fuzzy from the painkillers, but they had worn off sufficiently to make her hip extremely painful. Rubbing her thig absently she watched as Andy got Norman to standing, then led him into the bathroom. Mingus started to strip the sheets off the bed.

A minute later Andy was back. “Lea, you ok? You’re ever so pale…”

“It’s fine,” she said. “Has almost stopped hurting.. There’s tees in that drawer over there.” She pointed at a dresser.

“Ta!” Andy crossed the room. “And underwear? He’s sweated through everything, might as well give him fresh boxer shorts too since he’s up anyway.”

“Top drawer. Andy…”

Andy straightened up. “Yes?”

“Would you…well, Maria doesn’t mind doing laundry when we ask her to, but with all the pukey stuff…”

“Of course. I’ll put it all in the machine when we’re done here.”

“Cheers,” Lea said. How natural it felt to lapse into British colloquialisms with Andy. He smiled at her warmly before returning to the bathroom.

Mingus had just finished with the sheets and carried all the dirty laundry downstairs when Andy and Norman reappeared. Norman was very pale, but he managed to focus his eyes on Lea properly now, taking in her soiled tee.

“Oh baby girl, I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t worry about it, hun,” she said soothingly. “Puke comes out in the wash.”

That made Andy chuckle a little as he helped Norman crawl back into bed. Then he turned to her. “Right, what do we do with you?”

“There’s a stool in the bathroom. If you could put it by the sink and help me get there I can sit down, and then I can manage.”

“You need a new shirt.”

“It’ll have to be one of Norman’s. I’m short on everything at the moment. Neither of us has been back to New York to get more of my stuff. Ming brought a few things, but nightshirts weren’t a priority.”

“’s cute when she wears my shirts,” Norman said groggily from the bed, and Andy chuckled again.

“I bet. All right then, let’s do it!”

By the time she was back in bed Lea felt nearly as shaky as Norman looked. She had sent Andy away once he had helped her sit down on the stool in the bathroom, telling him she could manage. But in truth it had almost been too much. How would she be able to cope over the next few days?

Every morning, since she had been released from the hospital, Norman had taken Lea into the shower with him, sitting her on the stool in there and helping her wash. The first few days, when she hadn’t been able to lift her left arm over her head, he had washed her hair for her as well, and that had been Lea’s favorite five minutes of the day. He was so gentle and thorough, and she felt very safe with him.

Before he left for work he made sure she was washed, dressed and fed, and that she had everything she needed in easy reach. And when he was home he was never more than a few yards away from her. Lea chased him away when she went to the bathroom, but he always hovered by the door and wouldn’t leave her be until she was lying down again on the sofa or in bed. Sometimes, when the meds had made her extra dopey, he carried her around the house, too.

Andy would’ve surely helped her change her clothes, just as he had helped Norman. But Lea felt embarrassed asking for more than what he was offering to do already. Now she was paying for her hesitance. She pulled the covers over herself, shaking.

“Baby girl, you ok?” Norman’s eyes were a little bleary again, but he looked at her with concern.

“Just sore is all.”

Andy turned around to the dresser with the medication. “You can take another couple Tramadol?”

“Yes, but…”

“No but. You look almost as pale as Norman, and that can’t be good.” Andy handed her the pills, and, when she had put them in her mouth, the water glass. “I’ll be right next door, and I’ll leave your door open a crack. I’ll be able to hear you, so call if you need anything at all, you two, ok?”

“Y’should sleep in Andy’s bed, he can help y’get up,” Norman said drowsily.

Lea frowned and turned over onto her good side and put a hand against Norman’s cheek. He felt very hot under her fingers. “Stop talking nonsense, silly. I’m staying right here.”

She turned around to Andy. “Did you give him another dose of Doxycycline after all that vomiting?”

“I did. You guys ok now?”

“Yeah, thanks, Andy. Go back to bed, I’m sorry we made so much work.”

“Don’t worry about it. Go to sleep now. I’ll leave the light on in the hallway, so you can orient yourself more quickly.”

And with that Andy left them alone. Lea turned back to Norman, whose eyes were now closed. But she could sense that he wasn’t asleep. He shivered every few seconds, and his forehead was creased with discomfort.

“You cold, hun?”

“Just chills, it hurts, actually….”

Lea pulled the sheets over his shoulders and moved a little closer. He nuzzled his head into her shoulder, his forehead warm and damp against her neck. “We’re a right mess, huh?”

She stroked Norman’s neck and he gave a sleepy hum. “Andy insists he doesn’t mind helping. And if we need to we’ll get that nurse you keep talking about.”

Norman made a skeptical noise. “I’ll be ok in a day or so…”

“We’ll see, but no more fretting tonight. Go to sleep now, darling.”

“You too, babe. I’m sorry I hurt you. Next time I’ll remember to turn around before I throw up…”

He was as good as asleep, Lea could tell, and she wasn’t far behind. “Never mind that now. Night, hun.”

“Night…” And with that he was out.

 _We’re a right old mess, us two,_ Lea silently agreed before she, too, fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

“And you’ll be ok?”

“Of course I will. Jo is going to be here in the next hour, and Andy is coming by as soon as he’s done with work. No later than two, he said, and he’s staying the night. Then Maria is here most of tomorrow, and Andy is back in the evening. And Saturday you guys are back around lunchtime. I’ll have a chaperone every minute of every day.”

Norman wasn’t listening, Lea could tell. “Maybe we shouldn’t go. Or I’ll leave Mingus and go alone. I can come back first thing tomorrow, or right after Conan taping’s done, if there’s a flight…”

Lea pushed herself up to sitting against the sofa’s armrest and took Norman’s hands where he was twisting them hard his lap, and held them tightly. “Honey, it’s ok. You and Ming go and have a great few days. I can manage, you organized all your friends to keep me company. And, darling, you need a break, badly!”

It was the truth. Aside from the few days over the previous week when he had come down with tick fever Norman had looked after her every single available minute since she had come home from the hospital, and he needed a change of scenery. He looked like he needed about twelve hours of sleep, as well, but Lea knew her guy well enough to know that that was never going to happen. Best thing they could hope for was for him to clear his head on a father and son mini-getaway.

“All right, if you’re sure? But maybe we’ll wait until Jo gets here…”

“You’ll miss your flight.”

“Or I call Mel, and she can come over right away.”

That was about the last thing Lea wanted. “Hun, I’ll be fine. I promise.”

“Or…”

“Dad, stop fussing at her already!” Mingus called from the hallway. “And get on with it, we’re already late!”

Norman looked worried and indecisive, turning Lea’s hands over and over. She pulled away gently and held his hands again instead, stroking his wrists.

“I hate this,” he said quietly. “I feel like I’m letting you down.”

“Oh, darling, you’re really not! You’re such a sweetheart, to worry about me so. But it’s not necessary. What we both need is to relax. And you need a break to do that. Isn’t that right?”

He dropped his eyes and chewed his bottom lip, but nodded. “Yeah…”

“Come on and give me a kiss, and then go!”

He obliged, then wrapped his arms around Lea and held her close, careful with her ribs, head buried against her shoulder.

“I love you, baby girl,” he said, voice muffled in her shirt.

“Love you too, sweetheart. Call me when you land, ok?”

“The second they let me use my phone…”

“C’mon, dad. Christ!”

“You better go, or Mingus is going to be cross with you for the whole trip,” Lea said and gently freed herself from Norman’s embrace. She held on to his arms for a moment, locking eyes with him. “I’ll miss you so much. But we need this. I’ve been a lot of work, and between your cripple girlfriend, that pesky tick and work you haven’t had a chance to breathe in months. Go and soak up the sun! Ride the dune buggies…”

“Wish you could come do that with us. They’re rad!”

“Me too, Norman. Next time!”

“All right.” He leaned in for one last quick peck, then stood up and hurried after Mingus who had already opened the front door.

Lea scooted down on the sofa with a sigh and closed her eyes. _Yes,_ she thought, already drifting on her permanent painkiller haze, _it’ll be difficult gettingalongn without him. But we need this break, or I’ll go mad._

*

The key in the lock woke her an hour or so later. Lea hadn’t meant to go to sleep properly, but right now the painkillers had the upper hand, and she would just have to go with the flow.

“Lea?” Jo called from the front door.

“In here,” Lea called back and pushed herself to sitting. She was rubbing her eyes and yawning when Jo came around the corner into the living room.

“Hey,” said the pretty, dark haired woman. “How’re you feeling?”

“Groggy,” Lea said honestly. “I only took one Tramadol this morning, and I still fall asleep unless someone keeps me awake. Good journey back?”

“Yeah, thanks. I’ll tell you all about Korea, but first, shall I make us drinks?”

“Please. Let’s go in the kitchen, my ass is asleep from lying around.”

Nearly four weeks after the accident walking with the crutches felt almost normal to Lea, and now that her left shoulder was healing well she could use that arm again, too, which helped a lot.

Jo watched as Lea pushed herself to standing, but as soon as she was sure that Lea could manage she turned and walked toward the kitchen without comment. Lea was grateful. Norman was sweet and adorable in his solicitousness, but, as with everything else, his approach to caring for her was all or nothing. In the last week, as Lea’s strength had returned somewhat and she was no longer totally doped up on painkillers, his constant coddling and worrying had become a tiny bit annoying.

She still needed a lot of help, but Norman wasn’t good at judging how much was too much. And Lea had become more and more anxious that he was too worried and tense, and that he would soon develop another migraine under the stress. His sleep had been even more broken than usual; even though Lea was able to get herself to the bathroom without help if she needed to during the night he often woke up when she got out of bed, and it took him a long time to settle again. And he was still suffering from intermittent coughing and muscle pain caused by the tick bacteria, which worried Lea, who had very little professional experience with tick-born illnesses. _So much worry, all the time,_ she thought despondently as she hobbled along behind Jo.

By the time she arrived in the kitchen and sat down carefully in one of the wooden chairs by the small table Jo had found the herbal teas and turned on the kettle. She was just about to get mugs from the cupboard, then pointed at the espresso machine.

“You’ll want a latte, right?”

“Please. Machine’s real easy, it even has a fancy little refrigerated compartment for the milk.”

Lea watched as Jo finished the drinks with quiet efficiency, envious of the other woman’s graceful dancer’s figure.

“How’s the wedding dress coming?”

Jo beamed at Lea over her shoulder. “It’s beautiful! I’ve got pictures on my phone, I’ll show you. Hey, congratulations, by the way! Greg phoned this morning and told Steven. Just wait, we’re the first wave, soon there won’t be any bachelors left on the show.”

“Greg will be so cross,” Lea grinned. “We’re distracting the guys with all that wedding talk when they should be fighting zombies…”

“Right?” Jo laughed. “Have you two set a date yet? And has Norman bought you a ring?”

Lea felt the smile glide off her face. She automatically moved her hands from the table into her lap, glancing surreptitiously at the sparkling diamond on Jo’s left ring finger. “No date yet, no. Jo, do I really need a ring? I mean…”

She stopped there, blushing. Had she been rude? But Jo smiled as she carried over the drinks and sat down opposite Lea. “I’m not offended, don’t worry. Steven and I are pretty traditional, and our families really are _very_ traditional. In Korean-American culture it’s just expected to have the ring, the engagement party, all that. But no, of course you don’t need to have a ring if you don’t want one. Norman won’t mind, will he? He’s neither a traditionalist, nor will he want to show off that he can buy his fiancé the biggest rock there is.”

Fiancé. Lea nearly shuddered at the word, and barely caught herself in time. “I just don’t know, Jo. I’m not one for parties, and big announcements. Can’t we just go to Vegas to get hitched, or something?”

Jo laughed. “I bet Norman would like that…”

Then, maybe sensing Lea’s discomfort Jo smoothly moved on to talking about her own wedding dress, and the things she had bought in Korea. Lea commented on everything with, she hoped, appropriate enthusiasm. But her heart wasn’t in it. All this talk of weddings had brought to the fore what she hardly dared admit to herself.

Accepting Norman’s proposal had been wrong. She had known it at the time, deep down. She loved him, there was no doubt. But secret Vegas wedding or stately, Southern fete with 500 guests was one and the same before the fact that she didn’t want to get married.

Lea tried to force the thought away. It didn’t matter. She would get through this too. No use fretting now, it was done, she had given her word. And with the iron willpower borne of years of pushing her brain to its limit the doubt was banished to an inaccessible, dark part of her mind where it could lie quietly and unexamined.

*

“Wow, Lea!”

She looked up from her all-fours position on the exercise mat and smiled at Andy. He hadn’t startled her, she had been expecting him. Lea was almost getting used to Norman’s friends just simply walking into his house without ringing the doorbell. But, to be fair, Andy in particular knew how much she still slept during the day, and always took great care not to disturb her.

That she was up and doing her PT exercises was highly unusual. After Jo had left Lea had, for once, hardly felt tired. She was still a little restless, and knew that if she let her mind wander too much certain things she didn’t want to think about would drift back to the surface. So she had decided to try and distract herself.

Lea hadn’t told anyone this, but she had been able to get down to the exercise mat and up again almost since she had come home. Manuel, the PT coach who came to the house every other day, had taught her as soon as she was able to move without screaming.

“If you fall when there’s nobody home you’ll be able to get up again. Pretty important skill to have. I teach it to all my patients, if I can.”

Employing Manuel’s technique now and using a chair for leverage, Lea got to her feet and reached for her crutches.

“Want a hand?” Andy asked, but Lea shook her head. At least he had asked. Norman, finding her on the floor, would have freaked out, and would probably have carried her, kicking and screaming, off to bed.

Winded now, Lea moved slowly over to the sofa and sat down heavily. Andy took the armchair opposite.

“You know Norman would have a coronary if he saw you do that, right?”

Lea grinned. “You gonna tattle on me?”

Andy returned the grin. “Not if you don’t. I have plans for us today, if you’re up for it. You won’t have to walk much at all. But the plans require us to leave the house.”

“Oh my god, yes please!” Lea said, not even trying to hide her eagerness. “I’m in, whatever it is! I’m going crazy here, I can’t stay sitting in this very nice and expensive living room another day!”

Andy laughed out loud at her vehemence, and Lea only realized now how much the boredom of being housebound had weighed on her, how close she had been to chewing on the furniture with frustration at her uncooperative body. She was bad at being idle, and the better she felt physically the harder it was to accept her current limitations.

But Andy’s eyes lingered on her. Surely it hadn’t been that good a joke? Why was he looking at her so intently? Lea fidgeted and glanced away. When her eyes returned to him Andy was still looking.

“What?” Lea asked, a little cross now.

“Oh, nothing,” he smiled. “I’ve just never seen you this excited. Does Norman know how much fire there is in his blue-eyed Germanic sweetheart?”

Lea blushed, unsure what to say. Andy, maybe realizing just what he’d said, blushed too, and cleared his throat before carrying on as if nothing had happened. “So, today. Gael has been going on and on about the botanical garden in Atlanta. She and the kids went last year, but I had to bow out at the last minute because of extended filming. What do you think? Fancy it?”

“But shouldn’t you go with Gael?”

“Nah, she’s been now, and at least if the two of us go I can tell her I’ve been too and she’ll stop nagging. When she’s here with the kids there’s always so much they want to do.”

“In that case I’d love to go. But how am I gonna get around?”

Andy grinned. “I bought you a wheelchair. It’s in the car. Not just for today, but so Norman can take you out with him now that you’re better, and maybe bring you to set when you feel up to it. I had a feeling you’d be climbing the walls soon.”

Lea was very touched. Norman hadn’t given any indication that he understood how trapped she was starting to feel. He had been so concerned for her physical safety she hadn’t had the heart to worry him more.

Still, one thing about them leaving the house made Lea go cold with fear. It was the main reason she hadn’t even suggested it to Norman yet.

“But there will be people…”

“Yes?” Andy said. He knew what she was saying, Lea was sure. But he wouldn’t make it easy for her.

“What if they, you know… recognize you?” _Or me,_ she added privately.

Andy gave her a level look, and Lea knew he’d had more on his mind with this outing all along than giving his friend’s injured girl a treat. “You guys are too afraid. Norman has been nothing but scared since that break-in last year. And I’m sorry, but you have let yourself get infected by his fear and paranoia. Look what happened to you because of it!” He gestured at the crutches. “You need to learn to deal with this. Norman _needs_ to learn how to say no. I’ve tried my utmost to help him. It’s not happening. But I can show you that it’s possible to work in this industry and still have a private life. Maybe he’ll respond to you better. He generally does.”

Lea had to think about this for several minutes. She was scared, yes, at the thought of being in a wheelchair and unable to escape, and at someone else’s mercy when people started swarming them, which she was sure was inevitable. But she trusted Andy. He was the most level-headed of Norman’s friends, and seemed the most stable and confident in dealing with his popularity.

And she wasn’t the type to run from a challenge. Maybe Andy _could_ teach her a thing or two about dealing better with fans, and she could in turn help Norman find a middle ground. She looked steadily at Andy, trying to show she meant it when she said, “Yeah, let’s do it!”

Andy grinned with relief and got up. “Let’s get this show on the road,” he said happily. “Don’t get up just yet. I’ll bring you some clothes from upstairs. You _are_ cute in Norman’s tee, but that will get us extra attention for sure.”

*

The day quickly turned into the best one Lea had had since the accident. Atlanta Botanical Garden was stunning, and both she and Andy were soothed and delighted by the beautiful arrays of plants, the wonderful scents and the calm, shadowy retreats they kept stumbling across.

As it was mid-week the garden wasn’t nearly as busy as Lea had imagined. And Andy was astonishing. Initially they got approached by people every few minutes, but he was unwavering in his polite but firm response.

“I’m sorry,” he would say clearly, moving Lea behind him and shielding her. “No photos today. I’m having a day off, I hope you understand.”

And people did understand, on the whole. There were a few curious looks at Lea, which she noted from the corner of her eye, but nobody was very insistent, or openly rude. After they had gone through the third of these encounters Lea began to relax. She hadn’t even realized how tense she had been. _Norman can do this, too, it’s not that hard,_ Lea thought, heartened. _He’ll be much happier, and safer, with some boundaries._

“Of course,” Andy said some time later, when they came face to face with a large gaggle of young women, rapidly approaching them on the path, “polite doesn’t always work. Sometimes you just gotta leg it.”

And with that he turned the wheelchair around and pushed Lea down the path, back the way they had just come, faster and faster, until she was nearly hysterical with laughter and nerves, clutching Andy’s hands hard as he crouched down in front of her when they finally came to a halt, hidden behind a large greenhouse.

Throughout the day Andy was very solicitous, but without flapping about nervously and fussing at her every time Lea as much as shifted. _He’s such a proper British gentleman,_ she thought as Andy noticed her listing to one side when her hip was starting to get sore and he stopped the wheelchair.

“Looks like the weather might turn,” he said, even though the sky was as brilliantly blue and still as it had been all day. “Shall we call it a day and grab something to eat? There’s a nice fake-British café not far from here. They serve scones, with real clotted cream. Norman had me take him there all the time when we first started filming. Said even if us Brits didn’t know anything about beer, our cakes weren’t half bad.”

“Hah,” Lea snorted, and agreed that it sounded like the perfect place to end their excursion.

The little café was nearly deserted, and the quiet cool was welcome after the heat and sun of the botanical garden. Apart from the softly humming air conditioning unit it almost felt like they were sitting in a coffee shop in Kensington – until their chewing gum-chomping waitress asked them for their order in a very broad Texan accent.

Hiding her amusement Lea chose scones and a pot of Earl Grey tea, and then nearly cracked up completely when Andy asked for the same in a very pronounced, and fake, Yorkshire accent. The waitress only barely managed not to roll her eyes at them, and bid a hasty retreat as soon as she could.

“Blood Confederates,” Andy muttered under his breath as he watched her walk away, still in that fake accent, and now Lea had to clap both hands to her mouth as she rolled around in her chair, giggling and out of breath.

Once they could breathe again they chatted about nothing in particular until the scones and tea arrived. As she spread liberal amounts of clotted cream and jam onto her first scone Lea glanced at Andy. “You could’ve talked to some of those fans today, you know. I wouldn’t have minded.”

But Andy shook his head. “If I do that once it never stops. I can’t even remember the number of times me and the guys have been out somewhere really cool and then had to leave in a hurry because word spread that we were taking pictures with fans, and the masses became overwhelming. It works the other way around, as well, though. You saw it today. No idea why. Osmosis maybe? Once you say no to half a dozen people or so nobody else approaches.” He was serious now. “I don’t always do it this way, you understand? I’ll decide, before I leave the house, whether I’ll agree to selfies and autographs that day. And then I just stick to that decision. Helps me stay sane, and in control.”

“Control, yeah,” Lea said, deep in thought. Norman needed to take back control. The fans had the upper hand right now, and it couldn’t go on like this. She focused back on Andy. “Thank you for today, and for showing me a way to deal with this this weird life.”

“My pleasure.” Andy’s smile was gentle, giving Lea a queer, strangely pleasant feeling in the pit of her stomach. Then he continued, “It’s nice, being with a Brit for a change. Or as good as,” he laughed as Lea opened her mouth to protest. “Honorary Londoner, better? These American actor types, they’re real, y’know, intense sometimes.”

That made Lea laugh again, dispelling the odd feelings she didn’t dare examine too closely.

They enjoyed their British afternoon tea very much, but Lea was nevertheless glad to go home when they had finished the last of the Earl Grey tea. Her hip was really starting to hurt.

Once back in the car Andy seemed to sense something was up. Lea had needed a lot of help climbing into his Jeep, which was just as impossible for her in her current condition as Norman’s, with its high seats and big step up. Andy glanced at her and, when she wouldn’t meet his eyes, tapped on the handbag in her lap with one finger.

“Why not take some of that dope you’re carrying around in there?”

“If I take a Tramadol now I won’t be any good for the rest of the day.”

“You planning on hosting a dinner party tonight?”

“No, but you’ll be bored senseless if all I do is conk out on the sofa.”

“I’m not staying for the entertainment, luv,” Andy said in his fake Yorkshire accent again. “I brought me book.”

Lea had to smile, in spite of herself. She felt very grateful to Andy just then. Her hip was on fire, and she was finding it harder and harder to hold it all in. “Oh all right then.”

She fumbled for the Tramadol in her bag and took the water bottle that Andy retrieved from behind his seat at the next traffic light.

“Take two,” he said sternly.

“I’ll be out of it before we get home.”

“I can carry you inside, luv.”

Lea giggled at the thought, despite the pain. “I doubt that very much.”

“Try me,” he replied, and winked.

Andy’s strength was not to be tested, however. Lea could just about still stand on her own two feet when he helped her out of the car, but she needed his arms around her, and all her willpower, to get into the house and up the stairs to bed. She merely observed with dispassionate, drugged gratitude as Andy helped her take off her street clothes and into a fresh one of Norman’s old tees.

As she crawled under the covers under his coaxing Lea said vaguely, “Why’re you so nice to me?”

When Lea woke the next morning she didn’t remember whether or not he had answered, or the fact that he’d been right there when she woke at 3am and needed help to get up to go to the bathroom.


	3. Chapter 3

“Darling, what’s wrong?”

Lea came hobbling into the kitchen just as Norman hung up the phone. His face was very pale, and Lea, alarm bells starting to ring immediately, went right over to where he was standing holding on to the breakfast bar.

“That was Janet,” was all he said.

Lea had no idea who that could be. She took a deep breath, quelling her irritation. Something was clearly wrong, no need to aggravate him further. “Janet who, honey?” she asked, keeping her voice as level as possible.

“Realtor selling the house. Well, trying to…”

“And…,” Lea prompted gently when he didn’t continue. Anything to do with the old house could only be bad news.

“She wants me to meet her over there. Says she needs my input on some photos, and talk about what to do to make it sellable.” Norman’s voice was odd on the last words.

Lea thought for a moment. Maybe this was just what he needed. “You can go back there now, right? You talked about the break-in and all that with the therapist, and that helped, didn’t it?”

Norman gave a small nod. “Yeah, we talked about it. I think that helped.” He shifted from one leg onto the other for a moment but then looked up, his face determined. “I think I can, y’know. Might be good, to go back. Get over this shit…fuck it, yeah! Let’s do this!”

“Great!” Lea beamed, both pleased that he was facing the challenge and excited to finally see the house. “I can’t wait to go see the place, you know. And you can totally do it!” She leaned close and kissed him. “I’m so proud of you!”

*

Norman had called Janet back right away, before he could change his mind, and made the arrangements. They went to meet her one Friday morning in mid-June, when Norman had a rare day off filming, and no other obligations. As they drove through the sunny Georgia countryside Lea noticed him becoming very quiet. That worried her a little, but she told herself not to be silly. It was only natural that he would still be nervous, especially since he hadn’t had to face the place, or what had happened there, for months.

When they pulled up outside the house Lea looked out curiously. She couldn’t see much of the low building from here, but the lake in the background made the whole property look impressive and beautiful. She opened the door on her side, deciding she could cope with just one crutch. They wouldn’t really have to walk very much.

But when Norman didn’t move Lea turned back around. He was sitting frozen in the driver’s seat, gripping the steering wheel hard.

“There, see?” He tilted his head and pointed down the road with his chin. “They’re still coming here, sitting in their cars all day, waiting for something to happen.”

Lea looked toward two cars parked not far from them. She could just about make out movement inside both.

Suddenly she felt a sense of unease. Maybe this was too much? “Should we just leave?” she asked, determined to go with whatever he decided and not to judge him if he couldn’t do this after all.

But Norman swallowed, then shook his head. “Nah. We’re here already. Fuck them!”

Lea reached over and stroked his cheek briefly, then said, “You can do this, honey.”

His eyes in hers were bright and a little wild, but he nodded. “Yeah, ok...”

Lea did her best to keep up with Norman as he strode up to the porch of the low, long building sitting very near the road. She could see now how exposed the whole property was. The fence was low enough to clamber over without much difficulty, and she could see all along the side of the building from the street.

As she climbed the few stairs to the entrance behind him Lea could hear car doors being opened and closed a little way off. She didn’t look around.

As Lea followed Norman into the house she noticed how thick the metal security door was, and was sure it was a recent addition. When she closed the door behind her Norman was already halfway across the large, empty living space. She walked after him, taking in her surroundings.

Her first impression was one of light and air. There was no furniture at all now, but Lea, attune to Norman’s taste and preferences, could see why he had chosen this place, and that he must’ve loved living here. To her, this house felt much more like his than the current, much grander one.

But the light from the windows was dimmed by clunky, dark security screens, and without furniture the overall feel was a strange, sad loneliness.

“There you are!”

Lea saw Norman give a start. A tall, dark-haired woman came striding toward them from somewhere inside the house, wearing a very formal, expensive suit. Her attention was entirely with Norman, and he took her outstretched hand automatically. When he let go again Lea watched him ball both hands into fists, but his voice was quite steady when he spoke.

“Hi Janet. What’s up?”

“Thanks for coming.” Janet gave Lea a brief smile but then looked back at Norman. Lea saw her frown. She walked to Norman’s side and looked up into his face. It was oddly blank. Janet’s next words distracted her. “I know you spent a lot of money on the screens and doors and locks, Norman. But I gotta tell you, it’s putting potential buyers off. They keep telling me this house feels like a fortress. I wanted you down here so we can decide which security features we can get rid of.”

Norman gave a shrug. “Take them all down.”

“Really?” The realtor said, eyebrows raised. “I doubt that’s necessary. Maybe if we take a tour and you tell me for each screen and door…”

“Nah, just do it!” Norman’s voice was a bit too loud now, and Lea could feel him getting fidgety. “Just do what y’think is necessary so we get shot of this place. And just put in any furniture you want, for the pictures. Hell, get some famous _Town & Country _photographer in to take them, I don’t care. Just send me the bill when they’re done, all right?”

He was almost stumbling over this rush of words, and Lea felt alarmed. What was going on?

“We done, yeah?”

Janet took a step back at his almost aggressive tone. “Yeah, but…”

“Great! Close the door behind yourself when you go. I gotta show my girl the rest of this place. Not like we’ll come here again, if you do your job right this time…”

With that he turned around, grabbed Lea’s arm and started pulling her into the hallway leading toward the back of the house. Lea contemplated giving Janet an apologetic shrug but instead had to fully focus on not falling over as she limped after Norman. His grip on her wrist was painful.

When they were halfway down the hallway Norman let go of her, opened one of the doors and walked through. Lea caught up with him a moment later and recognized the room as the master bedroom she had seen in photos.

It was as beautiful and airy as the living space, but here as well the windows were covered in latticed security screens, casting a disorienting, slanted array of light across the wooden floors. This room, too, was empty, bar one lonely armchair Lea was sure didn’t belong to Norman.

He now made straight for the chair and dropped into it heavily. Lea stopped and studied him from a distance. He looked terrible all of a sudden, his face waxen, lips bloodless. His hands were shaking badly where they hung over his knees, and he was staring blankly at the light patterns on the floor. He looked, in short, as if he had just woken up from a terrible nightmare and didn’t know where he was.

She should have known something was up. His aggression toward Janet had been so uncharacteristic. They should just leave, Lea knew. But he seemed totally out of it now, one leg jigging nervously. Would he even listen to her?

“Norman,” she said quietly as she limped across the room. Before she was halfway Norman suddenly jumped to his feet, making her flinch. Not looking at Lea he made for the window, but then veered away and retreated into the darkest corner where he stopped with his back to her. He started twisting his fingers tightly enough to make them crack.

And then he was muttering to himself, and at first Lea couldn’t make out any words. Then he started to pace, and whenever he turned around to face her Lea caught a snatch of the word stream that was spilling forth unconsciously.

“…can hear them now…under the house…always…why, they…never alone…voices…why…tree, at night…Mingus…why now still…what…”

Then he stopped dead, facing the windows. “No…nonono…” As if against his will he walked over to the window and looked up to the ceiling, nearly overbalancing, then, suddenly, lowered his head and scanned the floor. Then he put both his hands against the window frame and pushed, as if to make sure the window – which was clearly locked already – was closed. He let his hands glide up and down the sides, over and over, crouching down, then reaching up.

Lea couldn’t take it anymore. “Norman, please, stop…”

He turned at her words, but wouldn’t look her in the eye. Then he began to circle the room, over and over, faster and faster, his hands clasped painfully in front of himself.

“…no more…why…just stop…no…away…can’t…no…why…”

Lea was now actually afraid of him. But she had to stop him, something bad would happen if she didn’t, she could feel it. When he passed her again she stepped in his way and reached out.

“Honey, please…”

She had no idea what had happened, and why she was suddenly sprawled on the floor. Then the sharp pain in her hip hit, and she gasped, tears springing into her eyes.

“You told me I could do this! You made me come here! YOU…”

He was advancing on her now, and Lea, disoriented and frightened, began to push herself back along the floor. She could still feel his fingers on her bad shoulder, where he had grabbed her hard and shoved her. Then she realized that he was making for the door. Using mostly her right leg, Lea scuttled across the floor until she reached the door before him.

She couldn’t let him get away, not like this. He was out of his mind, he would hurt himself, or someone else. And what if he got into his car?

“No,” she gasped and pushed the door shut, then leaned against it. His eyes were dark with fury for a moment but he stopped dead and didn’t advance further. Then his face went slack and gray, and he turned away, retreating into the corner furthest from the door, where he crouched down with a wail and buried his hands in his hair, rocking himself and pulling hard.

The pain in Lea’s shoulder and hip was blinding now and she wondered vaguely if she would pass out. She watched Norman rocking backwards and forwards in the corner, feeling despair. What should she do now? She could barely move, there was no way she could calm him down. In his current state he hardly seemed to know who she was, other than the obstacle between him and the way out.

She needed help.

“Oh darling,” Lea whispered, “I’m sorry, so sorry…”

With shaking fingers she dug in her pants pocket for her phone, finally managing to extract it. There was only one person in Georgia she trusted to know what to do.

It took her a whole minute to get her hands to cooperate and dial the number, then she listened to the ringing with her breath catching in her throat.

Finally she heard a faint _Hello?_ through the cottony feeling in her ears.

“Oh thank goodness,” Lea sobbed with relief. “Please, Andy, we need help!”

*

They stayed in the empty bedroom, mutely terrified and each locked in their own misery. The pain in Lea’s hip and shoulder came and went whenever she tensed up, in tune with Norman’s own agony. He kept rocking himself silently on the balls of his feet, pulling his hair, breaths coming in stutters, joined by whimpers every now and then.

Lea tried to speak several times, but he would just rock more violently, pulling on his hair harder and groaning, so she gave up. Her heart hurt so much for him.

She had to get away from the misery, and let Andy in when he arrived. So, aching even more from sitting on the floor, Lea finally pulled herself to standing, using the wall and her crutch, hoping that, maybe, if she removed herself from the room Norman would calm down a little, too.

She opened the bedroom door without looking back and limped out and toward the front door, wincing with every step. Halfway through the living room she could hear a car pull up outside. This had to be Andy. He had set off from work while he and Lea were still speaking on the phone, and had been able to come so quickly because he was filming a mere twenty minutes away that day.

There were muffled voices and then a soft knock on the door. Suddenly feeling very unsteady on her feet Lea covered the rest of the distance and opened the door.

“Andy…”

He was right in front of her in an instant, catching her as her legs gave way, and she clung to him, willing down the sobs and tears that were threatening to erupt. Andy held her safely in his arms and kicked the door shut with his foot.

“Now, now, darling, shhh…”

Lacking a place to sit down, which Lea desperately wanted to do, they just stood there for a few minutes, until she felt that she had at last regained some control. Then she pulled away from Andy, leaning on her crutch.

“I’m ok, it’s fine…thank you…”

He held on to her free hand and looked at her searchingly. “What happened, sweetheart? Are you hurt? Did he…?”

Lea shook her head. “He didn’t mean to. I’m ok, really. Andy, please help him. He’s had a complete meltdown, and I can’t go near him.”

“Where is he?”

“In the main bedroom.”

Andy looked at her, and in his calm gaze Lea found the strength to stop shaking. He smiled and squeezed her hand. “That’s better. I’ll deal with him. Stay back, I don’t want you to get hurt again. But let him see you, so he knows you’re there soon as he comes out of this.”

She nodded, a lump in her throat. Andy held on to her hand and they walked back to Norman. Lea ached to be with her guy. He’d hurt her, yes, but that had been the PTSD. Andy was here now, and while she was still a little scared of Norman she was sure Andy would sort it out.

He let go of her hand when they got into the bedroom. Lea stayed by the door as Andy crossed the room to Norman, who was back on his feet, facing the wall, utterly still and tight as a bowstring.

For a minute Andy stood very still by Norman’s side, not touching him. Lea watched as a small shudder ran through her guy, and his hands came up again, tying those awful knots.

“Norm, mate,” Andy said quietly, then waited again. Norman’s breath hitched slightly. There was no other sound.

Then Andy wrapped his arms around Norman. Lea leaned against the wall, suddenly feeling very weak. She kept her eyes on the two men, her inside hurting terribly. Andy tightened his arms and Norman gave out a low moan of discomfort. But he didn’t pull away or try and shrug his friend off. Instead he began to shake hard, then gave one, keening sob.

Andy braced himself as Norman’s legs gave way, evidently prepared for this. He lowered them both carefully, holding on and wrapping his arms even tighter around Norman once they were on the floor. Norman was still shaking, his crying eerily silent.

After what felt like a long time Norman’s rigid body relaxed and he sank into Andy with a whimper. It took even longer beforehe raised his own hands and clung to Andy. At that point Andy started talking, so quietly that Lea couldn’t hear the words.

Finally Andy looked up and indicated to Lea that she should come closer. She did so, slowly. No longer afraid she nevertheless didn’t want to set Norman off again.

Then Andy spoke quietly, addressing them both. Norman didn’t look up, but Lea could see he was listening. The catatonia was over, he was back with them.

“We’ll get you home now, ok, buddy?” Andy said, then waited for Norman to nod in agreement before looking up. “Lea, my car’s right on the curb. I’ll go out first and tell the fans to go away.” He looked down again. “Mate, you think you can get up?”

To Lea’s surprise Norman spoke, his voice raw and choked. “Yeah, ok.”

Somehow they made it back to the front door. Lea let Andy handle Norman, she had enough trouble moving around without screaming. Her hip was agony. When they were halfway across the room Norman threw her a quick look over his shoulder, and she could see his eyes were full of tears.

They waited just out of view as Andy slipped from the house. Norman was swaying slightly where he stood, arms hanging limply by his side. He looked exhausted, and kept his eyes closed. But at least he wasn’t shaking any more, and his hands were no longer knotted together. Lea still didn’t dare touch him.

Andy’s indistinct voice floated through the crack in the door as he talked to the people hanging around outside. After a few minutes he was back. “All clear, let’s go.”

He led Norman by the arm, and Norman went willingly, limp as a rag doll. Lea followed, pulling the door closed and making a mental note to call Janet and tell her to send someone around to lock up. That was easier right now than holding them up and making Norman lock the door. She kept her eyes lowered as she limped after the other two toward the car.

Norman was already in the back seat, just scooting over to make room, and Andy reached out and helped Lea clamber in as well. She bit back a moan of pain as her hip protested at the change in position. Andy closed the door and was in the driver’s seat quickly, clearly keen for them to get away. Lea could see his worried frown in the rear view mirror as he started the car.

As they drove down the road they passed the two cars Norman had pointed out to her when they had arrived. Lea didn’t look, but she thought she caught heads turning in their direction from the corner of her eye.

Just then Norman shifted. He didn’t look at her, but his hand came away from where it had been lying in his lap and rested on the seat between him and Lea. She hesitated for a second, then took it in hers, and he held on hard. Lea looked over but he wouldn’t meet her eyes, just kept staring into the foot space.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

Lea couldn’t respond. She squeezed his fingers and turned her head away, staring out at the houses rushing past, blurred by tears.

*

“He’s ok? No migraine? Not been sick?”

Andy stopped at the bottom of the stairs and smiled at Lea. He shook his head. “No, he’s ok. Totally done in, but he’s calmed down. I put him to bed. He’ll sleep soon, I’m sure. It’s over, whatever that was.”

“For now,” Lea said, and lowered her eyes, feeling miserable. This wasn’t done with by a long stretch.

“Yeah,” Andy agreed sadly and stepped close to where Lea had been anxiously hovering near the staircase. “But for the moment he’s ok. One thing at a time. How’re you, though?”

Lea didn’t answer right away. Then, suddenly, she felt Andy’s hand on her chin, tipping her head back gently. “How’re you, sweetheart?”

His voice sounded strange, and all of this felt wrong. But Lea couldn’t look away. She stayed motionless, Andy’s blue eyes in hers, his hand gentle on her face.

“Not sure,” she whispered.

There was a frown on Andy’s face, then confusion, and then he leaned down and kissed her. For a moment Lea didn’t react, but then her lips parted and she leaned into the kiss.

Even as it was happening she knew what an awful thing they were doing. Her guy, exhausted and unwell, was upstairs after a terrible day. And here _she_ was, kissing one of his best friends.

Before Lea’s shocked brain could command her body to pull away Andy broke the kiss. He stepped away so suddenly Lea nearly staggered. She caught herself with a hand on the bannister, shaking her head as Andy instinctively reached for her. They stood in awkward silence for a long moment.

“He…,” Andy finally said croakily, then cleared his throat and tried again. “Norman, he asked for you. Will…will you be ok?”

Lea nodded, then forced her vocal cords into submission. “Of course.”

“I better go, then.” He started walking toward the door.

“Andy?”

He turned around again. “Yeah?”

“Thank you. For your help, and…”

Andy’s eyes betrayed his confusion and guilt, and he turned back toward the door quickly. “You’re welcome. Call, if you… I mean, if he needs me, all right?”

“Sure…”

Lea waited until the front door closed behind him. He knew all the security codes by now, and could let himself out of the front gate. For a moment Lea had to fight the urge to hurry after him.

She raised her hand to her lips. She could still taste Andy on them, a clean, sweet sensation, unmarred by cigarette smoke. Then she shook her head, hard.

They had just made a mistake, fueled by exhaustion and stress. Andy had picked up on her fear and acted instinctively, wanting to make her feel better. It didn’t mean anything. Willing the memory, and all thoughts of the other man, into the deepest recesses of her mind Lea started climbing the stairs, forcing all her attention back to her guy who would need her now.

*

“I scared you so bad…”

They had been lying in bed for a good half hour already, but neither had said a word until now. When Lea had come into the bedroom Norman had turned over and looked at her, then folded the sheets back, a silent invitation for her to join him.

She hadn’t hesitated. Leaning the crutch against the wall Lea had stepped out of her shoes awkwardly, then climbed into bed, biting her lip at the pain shooting through her hip again.

Norman had come to her with a sob and a shudder, and she had hugged him close as he held on tight. For a long time he’d just clung to her, shaking with silent tears, and Lea had stroked his back, her heart full of sorrow for them both.

Finally his tears had stopped, but he just stayed where he was, holding on tightly as he caught his breath. And, finally, it started to feel right, just lying together quietly, after what they’d been through that day. Norman felt warm and solid against her, and Lea was glad that he could tolerate her touch again.

“I frightened you, and I hurt you,” he said, sounding dazed and miserable still. “I didn’t mean to, I don’t know what that was…”

“I know, darling,” Lea said soothingly as she felt him tense. She put a hand on his neck, which was sweaty. He sighed, fighting her trying to calm him for a moment, but then he put his head against her shoulder.

“I’ve never been like this before. I mean, I’ve freaked out, but this was…”

“PTDS, hun,” Lea said quietly. “It’ll do that to you. It’s not your fault.”

“Still, I hurt you,” he insisted in a hoarse whisper. “But y’stayed. And y’kept your calm. Calling Andy was the right thing to do. I was real angry at first, but… he knows what to do.”

Thinking of Andy was hard, but Lea willed the memory of the kiss away. “He held you so tightly, I thought he’d break your ribs. That helps, yes?”

“Yeah, it does. When I get real scared. It’s been like that since I was small. I’d wedge myself in somewhere real tight, and it’d help. Once, on set, we had a stunt nearly go wrong, and I was freaking out. I asked Andy if he’d hold on to me, and it worked. Good thing he remembered that…” Norman was silent for a moment, then added quietly. “’s not over, tho, is it?”

“No,” Lea sighed. “It’s not.”

He shifted against her and buried his face in the fabric of her shirt. “I know I got to see a shrink again,” he said, voice muffled. “I don’t wanna, but I know I got to…”

Lea felt relief wash over her. He meant to fix this, he knew it couldn’t go on without help. “We can do this together, hun,” she said, and felt him shudder against her.

“Thanks, baby girl. I’m so fucking lucky I got ya…”

Just then her left hip twinged and she couldn’t suppress a hiss, pressing a hand against the sore spot. Norman pulled away and looked at her searchingly, eyes full of guilt. “You’re hurting again, and it’s my fault…”

“Shh, hun, it’s ok. It’ll stop soon.”

“How do you put up with me? I don’t understand. I…” He stopped and lowered his eyes, chewing on his lip.

“What, hun? Tell me. No more drama today.”

“It’s a real bad time…,” he said, half to himself. “But…” Then he rolled over and retrieved something from the bedside cabinet. When he turned back around he was holding a small, square box covered in black velvet.

Lea’s throat felt suddenly tight. She knew what this was. “Norman,” she began, but he propped himself up on one elbow and reached out a finger which he placed on her lips.

“Wait a moment, ok? This is my great grandmother’s ring. Dad gave it to my mom. I finally told her about us, and, y’know…that you accepted. She’s real happy, and she sent me this…” He opened the little box and took out the engagement ring. “I wasn’t gonna buy one, I know this isn’t your thing, but…will you wear it? For me?”

Lea looked at his hopeful face, then down at the ring. Nerves, irritation and butterflies were warring inside her, and again she could feel that unease at the memory of what had just happened between her and Andy.

The diamond sparkled in the light from the bedside lamp. It wasn’t particularly large, but beautifully set in a tiny array of flowers and vines. The design reminded her of Victorian England.

When she looked up again all doubt vanished, as it so often did when she looked at Norman. His eyes were anxious again, and Lea felt ashamed that she had even contemplated denying his wish. It was an honor to wear his family’s heirloom, whatever she herself thought of engagement rings. It was almost surprising to realize how obviously important this was to him.

“Of course I’ll wear it, darling,” she heard herself say. “It’s beautiful.”

Norman’s eyes lit up and he leaned in and gave her a long, passionate kiss. Then he placed his forehead against hers with a sigh. “Thanks, babe. Mum will be so happy. I told her we’d come and visit in a few weeks, once you feel well enough to fly.”

Lea said nothing to this, and kept quiet as he slid the ring onto her finger. _So this is it,_ she thought. _No way out now._


	4. Chapter 4

He was past his mom and halfway down the hallway as soon as the door opened. He could make it now, thank god for small mercies.

“Norman, what…”

Marianne’s words were cut off as he slammed the bathroom door shut and dropped to his knees before the toilet, already gagging. After holding it in for so long throwing up really hurt, and it made his eyes water, but it was a relief nonetheless. Clutching his angry, burning stomach Norman retched again and closed his eyes in disgust as the sick splashed into the water.

It had been the most miserable flight he could remember, and he’d been on some really terrible ones in his life. Atlanta to Austin was barely two and a half hours, but it had been the longest fucking two and a half hours of his life. The bad weather had hit just when they were about to go up, and while the pilot had reassured them that it was still perfectly safe Norman and his roiling stomach had begged to differ from the moment the plane had left the tarmac.

Somehow he had held it together. Having Lea there had helped so much. She had talked to him soothingly about unrelated stuff, and her voice had become his lifeline. She had kept an airsick bag ready for him right where he could see it, and somehow that had helped him relax and breathe through it for the entire, miserable flight.

But then the cab had almost finished him off. Speeding cars never bothered him usually, but their maniacal driver had swerved and dodged and braked so much that after one look at Norman’s face Lea had asked the driver to slow down a notch. Norman, concentrating all his efforts now on simply keeping his mouth shut, wasn’t sure the guy even understood English. Lea had sighed and moved in close, and he’d clutched at her hard.

“Relax, honey. I have a bag right here if you need it,” she had whispered, and Norman had nodded, closed his eyes, and prayed for death. What finally undid him, though, was suddenly being stationary again. When the cab came to a screeching halt outside his mother’s house Norman had known puking was inevitable. He had dashed out the door and up the garden path, leaving Lea to deal with the fare.

Now he sat back on his haunches, spent, out of breath and empty, but feeling better at last. He blew his nose on a wad of toilet paper, wiped his streaming eyes with another wad, then got up off the floor and flushed. He washed his hands, rinsed his mouth and splashed his face with water. When he caught sight of himself in the mirror he made a face. Sweaty, disheveled hair, pale-gray skin, dark circles under his puffy eyes like he hadn’t slept in weeks. Norman shuddered and turned away, holding on to the wall. He had to sit down, his legs were damn wobbly.

When he made his way out of the bathroom and down the hall Norman could hear voices from the kitchen. His mom looked up from the hot drinks she was making as he leaned against the doorframe with a sigh.

“Rough journey, sugar?” she said, and he went over on unsteady legs and kissed her on the cheek.

“Yeah. Damn meds. Like I need help feeling like ass on a plane. Dramamine doesn’t even touch that pukey feeling now.”

“Well, sit down before you fall down, and drink this. It’s ginger tea, Lea said that helps.”

She put a mug in front of Norman as he sat down. Lea’s eyes on him were worried, and he felt guilty for this latest harrowing show. But she put her hand on his neck and gave him a small encouraging smile. Norman gave a little hum in thanks at the soothing sensation of her cool fingers on his skin. How could he have such an awesome girl who always knew how to make him feel better?

“You look really green around the gills, hun.”

Norman shrugged. “’s all right. I feel much better, now it’s all out. Tired though.”

“You should have a little lie-down, then. And take some Effexor. With the time release that morning dose probably didn’t all get absorbed.”

“Right you are,” Norman sighed and sipped some tea. It felt soothing going down. He rubbed his eyes with one hand. God, he was beat.

“We can always skip the concert tonight…,” Lea said quietly.

“Can’t do that, babe,” Norman said. She was probably right, but when was life ever that easy? “Gave the guys my word I’d be there.”

He hated the uneasy look in her eyes. She wasn’t really ready yet to go out in public again, he knew that. And he got it. With the crutches she must be feeling slow and clumsy, and making her uncomfortable was the last thing Norman wanted. But he _had_ given his word. And anyway, he’d been looking forward to hearing The Well play again for months. He reached over and stroked Lea’s face gently.

“Ian’s given me his word. No one knows we’re coming. It’s just a local gig at their local bar. And if someone comes up to me I promise I’ll tell them no selfies.” Lea had told him all about how Andy had kept the fans at bay at the botanical garden, and it sounded like something he could do, too. “What d’you say, baby girl?”

She sighed, but then nodded. “All right. But nap first.”

“Only if you come with me and sleep, too. You look peaky yourself, doc.”

“Deal,” she sighed, sounding tired.

Norman leaned over for a kiss, and when they broke apart he grinned at her, then stuck out his tongue. Lea giggled, mollified.

“The ring fits you perfectly,” Marianne said when Norman and Lea finally let go of each other and Lea’s left came to rest by her coffee cup on the table. Norman smiled at his mom, then took Lea’s hand and kissed the ring.

“Yeah,” he said quietly, “like it was made for her.”

Lea’s eyes in his were smiling when he looked up. Then she turned and looked at Marianne. “Thank you so much for letting me have it. It means a lot to both of us.”

“It really does,” Norman agreed.

He tried to catch Lea’s eye again, but she now looked down at their intertwined fingers, her expression thoughtful. Then she straightened up. “Right, well, if you want to go to that bar I want you to take your pills now, then get some rest. If you fall out after our vacation Greg will have your hide.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Norman agreed, and helped Lea to her feet. “And you’re doing the same, baby girl. Tramadol and rest. I can see you’re in pain, don’t even deny it!”

Marianne shook her head as they passed her, Lea limping and holding on to Norman hard. “Young people today, honestly. Worse than your gran, Norman, and she’s 90 this month.”

*

“These guys are so rad. That was the best thing we did down here in March. I didn’t enjoy filming that Ride ep much…”

Lea craned her neck and looked at Norman who was standing behind her. He was visibly excited, but the memory of that time when they’d temporarily broken up gave Lea a stab. She squeezed his hand that was lying on her shoulder. _Don’t think of that today, hun,_ she thought, but then decided not to say anything. She wanted him to enjoy the evening, and their mini-vacation.

On the flight, when he had been so unwell, Lea had feared the worst again. She had already been mentally prepared to spend another miserable few days somewhere that wasn’t home, looking after her sick guy. But for once it hadn’t come to that. Instead he’d awoken fresh and buoyant from their nap.

He’d been ravenous at dinner, always a good sign, and had entertained the family – two uncles and Norman’s gran had been invited to share what everyone assured Lea would be a proper Southern meal – with amusing stories from Georgia. His tales had made the whole situation – the heat, the fans and stalkers, his punishing work schedule, even looking after Lea – sound funny rather than the burden it really was, but Lea got why he told it like that. She never shared anything of significance with her family either. _Well, at last something we’ve got in common,_ she’d thought wryly.

And now, even though this evening’s music wasn’t really her style, Lea found that she was enjoying herself. The afternoon lie-down had done her a world of good too, and she didn’t feel sleepy even though it was already after 10pm.

She watched Norman’s face when he sat down next to her after the first enthusiastic applause. He was totally caught up in the music, and Lea couldn’t stop smiling. She was out with her guy, he was well, no fans had bothered them at all after Norman had said no to a couple of selfies. What else could she ask for?

When the band stopped for the interval the long-haired lead singer hopped off the stage and came over to where they were sitting. Norman jumped up and caught him in a bear hug. “Great show, dude! Lea this is Ian. Ian, this is my girl Lea.”

It felt strange to be introduced in that manner. Lea was used to the _baby girl_ thing by now, but Norman had never called her his girl in front of strangers. She supposed it was normal, in his circles, and decided to forget about it. She smiled at Ian and shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you. I’m sorry I can’t stick around right now,” Ian said. “Norm, when we’re done, come outside? You gotta see my new ride!”

“Awesome, dude,” Norman said, then sat back down as Ian waved at them and hurried backstage. He grinned at Lea happily. “You enjoying this a bit?”

“Sure,” Lea smiled, but decided not to go into any detail. It was true enough, anyway. _And worth it,_ she thought as Norman scooted close and pulled her into a hug. They stayed like this when the music started again, and Norman made no move to let her go. Cuddled up against him, Lea let her mind drift. What a good day this had been. Norman’s family were nice and seemed to like her. But they hadn’t asked her a million questions, for which she was grateful. Norman was well and happy, and finally her own health seemed to be improving, too. Her hip felt hardly sore at all, even though she had been sitting up more that day than in a long time.

After two encores the band finally finished. Ian was soon back, together with the woman who had played the bass, and who Ian now introduced as Lisa.

“Let’s go look at your machine, bro,” Norman said excitedly.

“Sure thing,” Ian grinned, clearly pleased by his famous friend’s enthusiasm.

Norman glanced at Lea. “Can we go have a look?”

“You go, sweetheart,” Lea smiled, still happy to see him happy. “I’d rather not go traipsing around a dark car park on my crutches.”

That got her a worried frown from Norman, who looked like he was about to tell Ian he couldn’t go after all. But then Lisa spoke up. “I’ll stay here, too. Let the boys geek out, I hear about bikes all the damn time.

Norman looked relieved and stooped down to give Lea a quick peck on the cheek. “Thanks, baby girl!” Then he and Ian walked toward the exit, talking bikes already.

“They’re like children with their toys,” Lisa said fondly, shaking her head. “Right, what are you drinking?”

It was nice, chatting with Lisa. Lea learned about the band’s history, and laughed a lot when Lisa retold some of their funny concert experiences. After about thirty minutes, however, someone from the bar came over and told Lisa that she was needed for some logistical crisis.

“I’m so sorry. I’ll be back in a minute.”

But many minutes went by and the other woman didn’t reappear. Lea stayed in the almost empty bar, nursing her drink. It was nearly one in the morning now, and she was starting to flag.

She gave it another fifteen minutes, hoping for Lisa to come back, or, even better, for Norman to reappear and tell her that he was ready to go home, but neither happened.

With a sigh she finally gathered her things and got up, wincing as her hip complained after the long inactivity. Maybe she had been too optimistic about her recovery.

When Lea had limped out into the dark car park she needed a moment to orient herself. Fighting down panic when she couldn’t spot Norman right away she shook her head at herself and made for a gaggle of people clustered around some bikes. Finally, as she drew nearer, she spotted Norman in their midst. He looked perfectly at ease and more relaxed than she had seen him in a long time. There were no cell phones or cameras pointed at him, and Lea was sure that that was helping his mood a lot.

“Hey,” she called when she was only a few yards away.

Norman turned and came bounding over, grinning, catching her up in a huge hug. “Oh, baby girl, tonight’s so cool!”

She hugged him back with the arm not in the crutch, laughing. “I’m really glad you’re having fun, honey.”

“Sorry I left you behind, tho…” He pulled away and looked at her guiltily. Lea hated that look on him.

“Hey, it’s ok,” she tried to reassure him, but he only scuffed his feet, still looking strange. Lea took his hand. “What is it, hun?”

“Babe… the guys, they asked me to go ride with them. There’s that thing happening, in Dallas, day after tomorrow…”

“Oh,” she said. They were due to fly back to Georgia day after next.

“Would you… I mean, would it be bad? If I sent you home alone? I’ll have someone picks you up, and Maria and Andy come by and help. Maybe Jo, too… You won’t be alone, and I’ll only be gone an extra couple days. And Ming’s back soon too… I’ll take you to the airport and check you in and everything, you don’t have to carry you bags…”

He was starting to ramble, looking anxious and agitated. Lea felt torn. Sure, it would suck going back on the plane on her own. But she was constantly on Norman’s case about doing more of what made him happy. So, now she could put her money where her mouth was. “Course I don’t mind. You go and have fun with your friends. You have the rest of the week off, that’s so rare. You have to make the most of it. There won’t be much rest and fun at work for a good while, and San Diego’s right around the corner, too. So yes, go to Dallas!”

Norman beamed and gave her a quick kiss. “You’re the best, babe! Lemme just say good night, then we’ll go home. This is so cool!”

*

“You could stay here for a couple more days.”

“Oh…thanks, Marianne, but…”

“Or just tell him that he should come home with you.” Norman’s mom was looking at Lea sternly, lips pursed, and Lea blushed. “He doesn’t always need to get what he wants, y’know? Does he ever ask you what you wanna do?”

“Really, it’s fine.” Lea was starting to feel uncomfortable under the gaze. She didn’t want to have this conversation. “He needs to have some fun. That’s been in really short supply recently.”

“Hmm.” Marianne sounded far from convinced. “Life’s not just about fun, he should really know that by now.”

“But he does. He looks after me really well…”

But Marianne wasn’t done yet. “If he wants his burdens to ease up some he knows what he’s got to do. He can’t keep leaning on everyone else. You know, if this…”

She stopped as Norman walked into the kitchen. Lea was glad not to have to hear what else Marianne had to say. Norman’s mom meant well, she knew that, but unsolicited advice was the last thing they needed right now. Lea smiled up at Norman and he leaned down for a kiss.

“Ready, babe? Cab’s here. We’ll go to the airport, I get you checked in, then I go on to Ian’s.”

Lea got up and Marianne came over and gave her a hug. “Take care of yourself, sweetheart.” Then she turned to Norman. “You bring her back here soon, you hear me? And be careful out there with those boys. You got a wife to come home to now.”

Norman hugged his mom and threw Lea a furtive, uncomfortable look. “Mom, I know… I’ll be careful, don’t fuss. It’s just a couple of days…”

They made a quick get-away after that, and as much as Lea had enjoyed being with Norman’s family she wasn’t sorry. The word _wife_ had rattled her, and she didn’t like the thought that Norman would get upset with his mom over her.

Norman loaded their bags into the cab, then held the door for Lea and they climbed into the backseat. He started buckling his seat belt but then hesitated and looked at her. “You really ok with me running out on you like this?”

“Hun, I told you I was!” Lea took his hand and smiled. “You gotta take your own advice. Stop fussing.”

“You’re the best, you know that?” His eyes on her were full of love. _That look,_ Lea thought, _is worth all this._

“Just make sure you _do_ come back…,” she said with a wink.

His eyes were deadly serious now. “Always, baby girl. Always…”

*

“Andy?! What are you doing here? I thought Norman booked one of the drivers from work. Mike’s done private trips for us before…”

“Norman called and asked if I could come instead. Said he’d prefer it if someone could help you get settled in at home, make sure you don’t carry anything heavy or do laundry or something.” He smiled, a little nervously, and Lea’s heart suddenly beat faster. “Hope that’s ok? I was free, and I haven’t seen you in ages…”

Lea blushed, but then returned the smile. Andy had stayed away from the house since their kiss, and she only now realized that she had missed him. “More than ok. Thank you.”

He took her bag and together they set off for his car. “So,” Andy said as the unlocked the doors, “Where’s he swanned off to now?”

“Some bike event in Dallas. I’m glad he’s able to do some fun things for once.” Lea was getting a bit tired of having to explain Norman’s actions, and her own opinion of them.

“Hmm,” Andy replied and held out his hand to help her climb into the seat. “All right, then. Did _you_ have a good time, though?”

“Oh yes,” Lea said, hoping it sounded convincing. “Everyone was really nice.”

The truth was, during the flight the old doubts about the whole marriage thing had awoken again. She couldn’t get the memory of Marianne calling her Norman’s wife out of her head. Now she had to fight hard to keep a strange, trapped feeling at bay. Trying to calm herself she stared out of the window as Andy got into the driver’s seat.

“Are you ok, Lea?”

“What? Oh…yes, of course, I’m fine. Just tired…”

“We’re going straight home. No wonder you’re exhausted. You’re still recovering, and traveling with Norman is a chore at the best of times.”

Lea tried a smile and nodded, not challenging the interpretation.

They were quiet on the drive to Norman’s house. Lea felt oddly restless. It was almost as if they were both waiting for something to happen, but unsure what that something might turn out to be.

When they arrived at the house Andy got out and pinned in the codes that would open the gate and turn off the alarms via panels hidden near the door. He climbed back into the car when the gates opened, but didn’t drive up to the house right away. Instead he sat and stared ahead, then at the steering wheel. “You want me to come help you get everything put away?”

“Ok,” Lea said, feeling suddenly breathless.

Once inside the grounds Lea got out and limped up the path to unlock the front door while Andy parked the car and retrieved her bag. He followed her into the house a minute later and closed the door behind himself. Lea half turned toward the kitchen. “Want a cuppa?”

Then Andy was right in front of her with two long strides. He dropped her bag and took her in his arms, his lips on hers full of fire.

Lea didn’t hesitate. She leaned into the kiss and pressed against Andy. Her crutch fell to the floor noisily as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Soon she could feel him growing hard.

He was the one to finally break the kiss. His gaze made Lea’s heart beat fast and her knees feel wobbly. Would he leave now, like he had done once before? He didn’t. Instead he took her gently by the arm and turned them both toward the stairs.

“C’mon…”

And Lea went with him. Upstairs she took over, steering them toward the spare bedroom, where the bed was always freshly made, in case someone stayed overnight to help. Even in her dazed state of anticipation the thought of going into Norman’s and her room made Lea feel sick.

They didn’t speak at all. Lea could think of nothing to say, other than _Stop_ , and she didn’t want this to stop. She wanted Andy, so, so badly.

He was very gentle, solicitous of her aching hip without her having to remind him once. Lea and Norman hadn’t slept together since the accident, and she was prepared for this to hurt. It didn’t.

Andy was sure and controlled, his hands on her firm and measured. He paid attention to her tiniest reactions, right from her intake of breath as he helped her out of her shirt and his fingers brushed her sides. He spent several minutes caressing her chest, stroking her breasts, her back, until Lea was trembling against him. Then he moved them onto the bed, and took care of everything.

Before discarding his pants he pulled condoms from the pocket, and Lea vaguely wondered how prepared he had been for this. But she pushed the thought away, and many others besides, and focused on Andy as he joined her on the bed.

He took his time, his eyes in hers throughout. His gaze would ask _Is this ok_ , and Lea would confirm with a little nod. But he never hesitated or lost his rhythm.

When he entered her Lea could barely suppress a sob, the feelings of guilt and arousal were so strong. He held her, kissed her face until she nodded that she was ready. Then she clung to him, losing herself in the moment.

They reached their peak together, making it last as long as they could. When they finally slowed down Andy stretched out next to Lea and pulled her close. She hid her face against his chest, listening to his heartbeat quieting down.

She had done it. She had betrayed Norman.


	5. Chapter 5

When Lea woke in the unfamiliar bed the next morning she was alone. Andy’s things were gone, and she couldn’t hear any sound from the bathroom. She got up quickly, straightened the covers and took all her clothes into the master bedroom, where she quickly slipped one of Norman’s ratty t-shirts over her head. This made her feel even more guilty, but there was nothing for it. She had to do laundry first, there was nothing left in her modest Georgia wardrobe after the trip to Texas.

As she limped down the stairs she could hear the sound of the vacuum cleaner in the living room. That made her uneasy. Had Maria already been here when Andy had come down? And would the woman think it odd that he had spent the night? The cleaner knew Andy was a friend, and that he had been helping both Lea and Norman. The woman’s smile was friendly and normal when Lea stopped at the bottom of the steps.

“Good morning, Miss Lea,” the cleaner said when she had turned off the hoover. “Did you sleep well? Did you have good journey? Mister Lincoln has just left.”

“Ah, has he, good, good... Yes, the journey was good, thank you. I’ll go make coffee…” Worried that her face would give her away Lea turned toward the kitchen quickly. She felt both annoyed and relived that she didn’t have to face Andy. What would she say to him? How could she ever be in the same room with him again? But clearly he had no desire to talk to her either, so why worry?

What had she done?!

Sure, Andy was smart and sexy, and Lea and he had hit it off right away. But she had a good man, just as sexy and smart, and devoted to her. How could they have done that to Norman? She knew what it was like to be cheated on, and yet she had jumped the first guy who was nice to her. She was an awful, awful person…

But Norman was also difficult, mercurial and exhausting. His health issues had affected Lea and Andy a lot recently, and the worry and stress had bound them tightly. Lea couldn’t deny it to herself any longer. Life with Norman was a challenge more often than not, and having someone to lean on to share that burden, and find some uncomplicated relief with, had been incredibly tempting.

Only, of course, there was no such thing as uncomplicated, not in the life she now led. Lea sat down at the kitchen table with her latte, stirring thoughtfully and feeling glum.

Norman had been sweetness itself, helping her during her recovery. But his overprotectiveness and single-minded focus on her wellbeing had felt suffocating after a while, and it had shifted their dynamic. Lea had felt isolated, and Norman clearly had yearned to get away from the responsibility. Or why had he sent her home alone? Lea had felt resentful about that, never mind what she had told Norman, and again Andy had been here at this confusing emotional juncture.

None of that was an excuse, god no. For once Lea had acted with her heart, not her head. And it could bring nothing but pain for all of them.

But did Norman even still love her? He loved the idea of them, sure, but did he even really _see_ her when he looked at her? Or did he just see his doc, who made him feel better, and his baby girl, who was sweet and quiet and uncomplaining? Maybe she was to blame for that, too. She never told him what she wanted, and she was always there when he needed her. Maybe it wasn’t in his nature to bend even a little for those he loved. Maybe it never even occurred to him that he ought to try. And could she blame him for that?

What now, though? Did she want to end this, leave Norman? And what then? Be with Andy? He was married, and anyway, how would that work? Those thoughts felt bitter in her throat and Lea wanted to cry. No, she didn’t want it to be over. She loved Norman, she really did.

And he had asked her to marry him, so clearly he still wanted her. She would have to tell him what had happened, it was the only way. But that thought made her feel sick, and she pushed away the untouched cup of coffee with shaking fingers.

She couldn’t tell him. He would leave her. She was a terrible person.

*

Things got out of hand quickly. Lea stayed in the kitchen while Maria cleaned, not moving until the cleaner had left, calling her goodbyes from the door. Then Lea opened the cupboards and the fridge and began to eat. It didn’t even feel like a conscious decision, just a thing her subconscious mind did without her say so, and she was halfway through a tub of ice cream before she even realized that she was bingeing. She felt totally numb as her stomach filled with food. She didn’t feel the cold of the ice cream, the stickiness of the chocolate cake she found in the cupboard, or the fizziness of the soda she drank to wash it all down.

Cookies, bread, chocolate bars, fruit. Lea ate it all, in a trance. Then she fed the cat, and went right back to the junk food. When she finally felt too disgusted to go on she put all the leftovers into a rubbish bag and took them outside to the trashcan. Then she sat in front of the TV, feeling sick and gross. After ten minutes she got up and put a pizza in the oven, which she consumed only halfway done, drinking most of a bottle of wine.

Sometime during the fourth glass of wine she could feel the familiar pressure on her diaphragm that told her she would be able to throw up easily now. Oddly satisfied she went into the downstairs bathroom, put her finger down her throat and brought all the food back up. When she finally felt empty she limped up the stairs to the master bedroom, took a double dose of Tramadol and passed out.

She only got up once more that day, to feed Eye and take more pills. The night went by in a haze of broken, drugged dreams. When Lea woke the next morning she hardly remembered what had happened the day before. When it all came back to her she felt a sense of disgust, damped down by the narcotics haze that was still lingering. But she knew this wasn’t over. She went online and ordered replacements for everything she had consumed, plus plenty of extra junk food, using her own credit card for it.

Deep down, Lea knew how wrong this all was, and that she was making everything much worse. But she couldn’t stop, she was totally at sea with her emotions and her guilt. When she heard the front door late that night she had no idea at first what it meant. Hunched over the upstairs toilet with the bathroom door open Lea only realized that Norman was back when she heard his footsteps on the stairs.

“Lea?”

Shit!

Struggling to her feet as quickly as she could, with her hip giving an angry twinge, Lea slammed the door shut just as Norman came into the bedroom. She leaned against the door, panting. Had he seen her? Did he know why she was in here?

After a minute there came a small knock. “Baby girl, you ok?” His voice sounded worried, and Lea’s eyes filled with tears.

Wiping them away angrily she straightened up. “It’s ok. I’ll be out in a sec…”

“Babe, if you need my help…” He sounded so sincere, and really scared now, Lea’s guilt was overwhelming.

“No, really, it’s fine. Gimme a minute…” Lea flushed the toilet, washed her hands and face, and quickly brushed her teeth, too. Then, the water still running, she stared into the mirror.

What to tell him? Everything? Or nothing? Both made her feel sick, and she gagged, sure she’d be sick again, and without the help of a finger.

No, she decided. She couldn’t tell him about Andy. But she had to tell him something. He’d know something was up. There were junk food wrappers everywhere, downstairs, and in the bedroom. She’d been so sure he wouldn’t be back until the next day. Her head was all scrambled. Dammit! What had she done?!

Lea took a deep breath and turned toward the door. Nothing for it but get through it.

Norman’s eyes were on her instantly, but he stood back a little, clearly unsure what she needed. His hands were in those hated, painful knots again. Lea limped over and gently untangled them.

“What’s happening, baby girl? Are you ill? You look ill...what should I do? Tell me…”

“Honey, shh…,” Lea stopped him. His panic, now barely suppressed, wouldn’t help either of them. She led him over to the bed. “Come, sit down.”

Lea sat on the bed heavily. Her hip hurt a lot from all that time crouching on the bathroom floor. She held on to Norman’s hands, suddenly at a complete loss as to how to start telling him about her issues. In the eating disorder group therapy back in London she had learned how to open up about her problems, but she had never told anyone who was this close to her, or who knew so little about her struggles with her weight and with food. Her brain was fuzzy and she felt lightheaded from the painkillers and the vomiting.

“Babe, tell me…” Norman’s whisper, pleading and confused, brought her back to the present.

“I think… I believe I told you,” she began, “that before I came to New York I’d lost quite a bit of weight?”

He nodded, and Lea took a deep breath. “Well, that’s only part of the story. I lost the weight after finally getting diagnosed with…well, it’s called EDNOS, but it’s a lot like bulimia. You know, bingeing, purging, fasting…”

“That what happened today? You binged, and then you made yourself sick on purpose?”

“Yeah…”

“You never told me.” He sounded genuinely hurt, and when Lea forced herself to look up his eyes were so gentle, so full of worry.

“I thought this was in the past. I haven’t done it in a long time, except for a little while when…when we broke up…”

“Then why now? What happened? It’s my fault, isn’t it? I sent you back alone, that was so dumb…”

Now he sounded close to tears. Lea had to stop this, she couldn’t let him blame himself. She took a deep breath. Here it was, the big lie. “No, honey. Not your fault at all! I…I think it’s the meds. They messed me up. You know what that’s like, side effects...” He nodded, looking calmer already. Lea was surprised how easy it suddenly was. Blame something, anything but themselves, and people instantly felt better. Never mind that the truth was usually so much more complicated, and unpalatable. “I really don’t feel like myself, all my self-control is shot to hell. And I took a couple too many Tramadol last night, maybe, to fall asleep. It was stupid…”

“Oh babe…”

His voice still trembled a little, and Lea forced a smile. He couldn’t fall apart now, she didn’t have the strength to deal with it. She gripped his hands more tightly. “Hun, it’s ok. I’ve dealt with this for so long. I promise you, it’ll pass. Come here…” She let go of his hands and put her arms around him instead, and he clung to her.

“What can I do to help? I want to help, tell me what to do…”

She stroked his back and he shuddered a little, but then relaxed. This had been bad, but the truth would’ve been worse. “Just keep doing what you’re doing already. Be here for me, that’s all I need.”

“I’ll be right here forever,” he whispered, and Lea allowed a small ray of hope through the clouds of her despair.

Maybe it would be enough, if they just loved each other hard enough. It just had to be enough.

*

“Is he ok?”

Greg sat down on the bench by Lea’s side and nodded toward the back of the private jet where they were all treated to a peculiar sight. Norman’s lower body was visible, his backside turned toward them, while his upper body was hidden behind the very last set of seats on the plane, wedged into a space so small Lea didn’t understand how he could bear it.

She had checked on him, and knew that he was hiding his face in the crook of one arm, and that he was awake, and uncomfortable. But his current location still seemed preferable to him over being upright in the noisy, overwarm cabin. His flip flops lay by his side, and Lea could see his bare toes curled up with tension. Her heart hurt for her guy.

“He’s feeling really poorly,” she said to Greg. “The medication for his head is making him travel sick, and his back and shoulders are really sore from whatever you guys have been up to this week.”

Norman’s current position had been a compromise. He’d started out in a similarly tiny space between two seats halfway down the plane, where everyone had had to climb over him constantly. Scott had finally lost his cool and shouted at Norman to come out at once and act like a grown-up. Norman’s face as he emerged from his hiding place – sweaty and pale, expression dark as a thundercloud – had shut the producer up instantly. Lea had been sure Norman would cry, or be sick, or shout at Scott, but instead he had just snatched up his things and stalked to the back of the plane, where he had flopped back down to the floor.

Lea knew that the others’ apparent indifference to Norman’s peculiar behavior was merely an attempt to give their friend some space, and she herself was trying her hardest not to fuss. A little while ago she had brought him a pillow, some water and his Dramamine, all of which he had accepted without so much as a glance. Then Lea had retreated to her current vantage point on that strange sideways bench that could be folded away for take-off and landing. This plane was stupid, really, she thought. There were over 20 people on board, when it was clear that the maximum that could comfortably travel would be about 15. Nothing Lea could do about it, though, other than help keep Norman’s suffering to a minimum.

“Poor guy,” Greg sighed.

“He’d be much better if you hadn’t worked him so hard this week,” Lea said, finding it impossible not to show her annoyance. “Why did you have to shoot so late last night? Norman barely got three hours’ sleep, and his back’s all black and blue. And he’s been coughing again, it’s too hot and humid, and then he sits around in the air-conditioning all sweaty, and his airway gets all wonky…”

She glared at Greg, warming to her theme. It felt satisfying to vent some of her frustration. Greg had the decency to look a little abashed. “You’re probably right, but I didn’t make the schedule. Take it out on the AD. Excuse me, I gotta have a word with Scott…” He rose before Lea could say anything else and hurried away. Lea looked at his retreating back, feeling frustrated. Then her eyes met Andy’s, who was sitting at the very front of the plane with Chandler, and her heart skipped a beat. His eyes on her were wistful, almost sad, and for a moment she longed to go to him. Usually, when she worried about Norman, Andy was the first person she turned to.

Instead she forced herself to look away, and stared down at her phone, pretending to be absorbed in something on the little screen. She could feel her face burning. But she couldn’t help glancing around herself to see if anyone had noticed this exchange. Her eyes met Mel’s, and the other woman stared at her pointedly for a moment, then looked away. Lea’s heart was racing. Had Mel noticed? And _what_ had she seen? _Nothing,_ Lea tried to calm herself, _nothing at all. There is nothing to see…_

Andy and she hadn’t talked since the night of Lea’s return from Texas two weeks ago. Andy had stayed away from the house, and Lea hadn’t been to set. But of course, if anyone would be suspicious it would be Melissa.

It had been a difficult few weeks. Norman had tried to be supportive, nervously mindful of Lea’s fragile mental health. They hadn’t talked about the eating disorder again, but Lea sometimes caught Norman’s worried glance. He was doing his best, she knew, to be there for her, but she also knew that he was afraid, unconsciously, that she couldn’t be strong for him when she was unwell herself. It put an additional strain on their relationship, because he needed her support just as much as always.

This trip was a case in point. Lea hadn’t wanted to come, dreading the stress of the journey and the busy schedule at the huge convention. She didn’t need the crutches anymore, but was still slow and quickly tired out. She couldn’t stand up for long, and didn’t relish the thought of being surrounded by literally thousands of Norman’s fans.

But he had pleaded with her to reconsider. “I need you there, babe, to keep me sane.” And she knew that he was right. The network would work him ragged, but if she went along maybe she could put a stop to it before he actually keeled over. And she reckoned that if she focused on Norman she could ignore Andy, and a lot of other things about this trip that made her feel anxious. So she had reluctantly agreed.

As Lea watched him, absorbed in her own thoughts, Norman began to stir. At once Lea picked up a glass she had standing ready on a small tray next to her and went over to crouch by his side. As he pushed himself out of the tiny space behind the seats Lea reached for him, and he pulled himself all the way to sitting with her help. He leaned against the back wall of the cabin with a grimace, then pulled his legs up and hugged his knees to his chest, coughing deeply a few times with his forehead resting on his knees. Lea didn’t like the rattly labored sound at all.

When Norman raised his head again Lea pushed a few strands of hair from his forehead and stroked his face. “How’re you feeling?”

He squinted at her, eyes puffy and glazed. “Like shit. My back really hurts.”

“You want me to find some Advil?”

“Nah,” he said, looking queasy.

“Lean forward a bit.”

He obliged and Lea put her hand between his shoulder blades and rubbed him hard, up and down on both sides of his spine, then across the shoulders, finally massaging his neck. Norman hummed in thanks. “That’s nice, babe…”

“Here,” Lea said as he sat upright again. “Ginger ale. Sip it really slowly. You should eat something, too. You hardly had anything for breakfast. There’s pasta, it’s not bad…”

Norman took the glass from her, but shuddered at the mention of food. “I’ll definitely puke if I eat anything now. Once we get to the hotel, ok?”

“All right, then... I’m sorry you’re feeling shitty, hun.”

He shrugged and drank some ginger ale, but held the glass out to her with a queasy expression after a couple of sips. Lea took it with a sigh.

“You feel better lying down?”

“Bit, yeah…”

“Then I suggest you crawl back into your hidey hole. Try and catch some sleep, I’ll keep the others off your back.”

Norman’s eyes in hers were dark with the nausea he was fighting. “Oh babe, this sucks so hard already…thank you for coming along, it really helps…”

Lea pushed away all thoughts of guilt and her own discomfort and stroked his face briefly. He needed her, badly. Nothing else mattered for the moment. “Of course, hun. Any time…”


	6. Chapter 6

San Diego felt wrong from the moment they disembarked the jet. A huge wall of heat met them, humid and stifling, and Lea could see Norman’s t-shirt sticking to his back by the time they entered the terminal building. He looked very sick when Lea got a good look at his face in the black car that waited for them, and didn’t speak a word to anyone on the drive.

Right away when they entered the hotel hundreds of people were vying for their attention. There were fans screaming, ushers telling them where to go, and a dozen conversations around them about timetables, panels and parties that Lea couldn’t follow. It took Greg forever to get Norman away from the fans. Lea, hovering by the elevators, her hip throbbing, wondered about her man’s sense of obligation to these people. He was feeling dreadful right now, and yet he signed autographs and took selfies with anyone who wanted them. The problem with this was that more and more people were arriving, clearly drawn by some kind of Chinese whisper system.

Finally Greg delivered Norman to Lea, one hand in the small of his back. “Go freshen up now, buddy. Gotta conserve your energies, the day’s not over yet.” His voice was kind, but Lea could see the worry in the director’s face.

In the lift Norman took Lea by the hand, and he held on as they walked down the long corridor to their room. “Your hip’s aching, babe?”

“A little, yeah.”

When they got into the room Lea made straight for the bed and flopped down, savoring the cool, quiet peace. But Norman didn’t even sit down. He grabbed a fresh shirt from his bag and headed for the bathroom. Then he stopped at the door and looked down at Lea. “You should stay here, babe. The evening stuff’s so dull, and it’s hot, and you’re sore. Order room service, go to bed early. Wish I could stay here with you…”

She felt guilty to abandon him, but he was right. She was exhausted and sore. “I will, if you’re sure. Why not just stay here, too? Tell them you’re too tired to go out. You really aren’t fit to work, hun. I’ll write you a doctor’s note, if you want.”

“I can’t. That’s why we’re here, to party with the people who put bread on my table. I know what I’m doing. I can keel over after.”

“I’d really rather you didn’t,” Lea said quietly, but wasn’t sure Norman had heard her as he disappeared into the bathroom at last.

Lea watched Norman get ready, feeling more and more guilty. He looked so tired, his movements were so clumsy with exhaustion. But she didn’t offer to go with him when he finally left. Instead she ordered dinner to their room, took some painkillers, and was asleep before ten.

She woke up when he came back, at what she saw with one glance at the bedside clock was past 1am. Norman went straight out onto the balcony and didn’t come back inside. Lea could hear him pacing and coughing and finally, the clock nearly showing 2am, she couldn’t take it any longer and got up.

“Hun, you need to come to bed. It’s really, really late, you’ll be dead on your feet.”

He leaned against the balcony railing, one hand carding through his hair again and again. “I already am… I’m just so wired, dunno if it’s any use even trying to sleep…”

“Why are you wired?”

Norman shrugged, and Lea squinted, trying to make out his expression in the moonlight. “Dunno, I always am, here. All the cameras, and everyone expects me to let something slip, or do something stupid.” He stubbed his cigarette out and came over to her. “And I worry about you, too, babe…”

“Why?” Lea’s heart sped up as he put his arms around her and pulled her close. “I’ll be ok, I’ll just hang back…”

“Don’t want anyone to be mean to you,” he said and pressed close. Lea could feel him growing hard.

“Nobody is going to be mean. And if they are I’ll just ignore them… Norman,” she added sternly and pulled away a little as he tried to kiss her. “Is this a good idea now?”

He grinned at her, his face pale but his eyes sparkling. “It’s a great idea. Y’want me t’sleep, this’ll put me right out.”

He was more drunk than Lea had realized, but he was also sweet and cuddly in her arms, and was now starting to nuzzle her neck. She felt her body react, and pushed the guilt away that bubbled up with the sensation. He was still her guy, and he wanted her, for the first time in months.

“Ok then, c’mere and show me what you got…” Lea took his hand, and Norman, giggling, followed her inside.

*

Lea would later remember that night as the last one that held any real happiness for them together. After they had made love he finally slept, but it was a restless, broken sleep, and only around daybreak did he finally settle down properly in her arms, and they both got a few hours of real rest.

When Lea woke Norman was gone. There was a note on his pillow that read, _Gone swimming with the gang, then off to the Andaz. Meet us there @ 9.30. N x_

Lea got out of bed and ready quickly, worried because she had no clue what the Andaz was and how to get there. Norman had promised several times that he would give her a copy of the itinerary, but it had never materialized.

She skipped breakfast and hurried downstairs where she found out from the nice concierge that the Andaz was a hotel and that she would need a cab to get there. It was just after 9.30 when she finally arrived.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” the security man guarding the lifts told her, and he looked it, too. “Without a badge I can’t let you up top.”

Frustrated, Lea glanced around the swanky hotel lobby. What to do? If he was in the middle of a press conference Norman’s phone was likely to be off, as well as everyone else’s, too. She tried his cell anyway, without success. Then she paced the lobby, agitated.

Why had Norman not woken her? Why had he gone swimming without her? Her hip was much better, she hadn’t even brought a crutch. And even if the swimming thing was just for the cast he could’ve at least told her where he was going, and also remember to make sure that she knew where she was supposed to be and when, and that she actually got into the place. After all, _he_ had begged her to come on this trip.

“Lea!”

She turned and saw Greg hurrying toward her, while getting out his phone at the same time. “There you are! What happened? Norman’s climbing all over us with worry!”

“They wouldn’t let me go upstairs. I tried, Greg, I’m sorry…”

He waved that away. “Never mind now…”

“I tried to call him, too…,” Lea added, but Greg wasn’t listening. He pressed a key on his phone then listened intently. “Norm? Yeah…yeah, I got her… all right, meet you out back.” He motioned to Lea who tried to keep up with the director’s long strides.

“He’s an idiot, you know,” Greg said grumpily. “I hadn’t even realized you weren’t there until he freaked out just now. He’s so tense, and the heat’s already getting to him. This gig always makes him crazy. Try not to take it personally, we’re all high strung when we’re here. So many eyes watching, and you gotta always be polite, and not give any spoilers away. And these dumb questions, the same shit, over and over… still, he oughta remember you, once in a while…”

They emerged into a back street, and the heat hit Lea like a hammer after the air conditioned cool of the hotel lobby. Several dark cars were lined up, and Norman stood by the nearest one. He glared at her as she went over. “Where you been? You held us all up…”

“They wouldn’t let me through without a badge. I tried to call you…”

But he just turned his back on her and climbed into the car, moving as far into the opposite corner as he could. He looked sweaty and disheveled already, and Lea could see him start to shiver with the air conditioning. They didn’t talk, and the fifteen minute drive passed in frosty silence, only broken by Norman’s coughing every few minutes.

Lea was angry. He was being totally unreasonable. But there was nothing to be gained by making a scene, and she could see how tense he was already. The cough sounded worse than ever, and he kept shifting around as if his back was hurting him. More than anything Lea wanted to put him to bed. But she kept her own counsel. He wouldn’t want her fussing now.

The rest of the day passed in the same vein. They rushed from one interview to the next, interspersed with panels, photo shoots and parties. Lea hung back, watching. She was bored, her hip was getting sore, and Norman was ignoring her. You’d never know he was feeling unwell when he was out there playing it up, joking with the journalists, writing autographs, taking pictures. But as soon as they were back in the car she could see the toll all this was taking on him. The coughing was getting worse, his shoulders were tense and he kept pressing down on his bad eye. Lea saw the amounts of Tylenol he was taking, the huge number of coffees he chugged as they waited around for the next gig, and the conspicuous lack of food anywhere near him. She saw how red and swollen his eyes were when he took his glasses off to wipe his sweaty forehead, even though he never looked at her.

Then, at the last party of the evening, he suddenly disappeared. One moment he was close by her side, the next he wasn’t anywhere. Lea asked Steve, Christian and Josh who were standing nearby if they’d seen where Norman had gone, but neither of them had a clue. Nor did anyone else when Lea slowly circled the field, asking anyone she recognized. She quickly got worried. He was in a bad way, and she didn’t want him to fall out somewhere none of his friends could come to his aid.

The one person Lea didn’t go near to ask for help was Andy. She saw him in the distance several times, but always walked in the opposite direction. She couldn’t face him yet.

When the extensive grounds of the Hard Rock Hotel yielded no result Lea went inside. She was aware that some of the fans who had somehow gotten admitted to the party were staring at her, and she was starting to feel nervous on her own behalf as well.

She finally found Norman on a balcony off a second floor corridor she was pretty sure neither of them had any business being on. He was crouching against the wall behind the door, a cigarette in one shaking hand, the heel of the other pressing hard into his bad eye.

“Norman!”

Lea went down on her knees by his side. He tried to focus on her but his eyes, bleary and vague, couldn’t quite manage the task. Then they started to fill with tears. “Oh doc,” he whispered, and reached for her, at the same time slipping onto the floor in a heap.

Lea caught him and he leaned into her, trembling. “Shh, hun… don’t cry, you’re making it worse…”

He couldn’t speak. Every time he tried he started to cough, a blocked-up painful sounding cough that wouldn’t stop. Lea took the cigarette from him and crushed it out, then held him, stroking his back and waiting for the coughing and crying to subside.

When Norman finally hiccoughed himself to silence Lea sat them both up a little. “All right, here is what we’re gonna do. We’re going back to the hotel now, where you’ll drink a gallon of water and I’ll give you some IV Demerol so you’ll sleep. It’s too late for the rescue treatment, and you need to rest, not just be pain free. This doesn’t even really look like a migraine, you’re just utterly exhausted.”

“You brought Demerol?” Norman asked, voice hoarse.

“I brought several things. We talked about it, don’t you remember? I checked with the studio and they submitted a list, and I told you it was so easy because we were coming on the private jet.”

“I bet you told me, but my brain’s a mess… oh Lea, I was such a dick, again…”

“Forget about it,” she said firmly. “I know why you were, it’s ok. Now, let’s get you to bed.”

Somehow they managed to get off the balcony and down into the hotel lobby, where they waited in the shadows until the cab Lea called pulled up out front. Finally back in their room Lea insisted that Norman try to eat something. “Your blood sugar’s tanked, this is partly why you’re feeling so awful. I never saw you touch anything but coffee today, how do you expect to work like that, huh?”

While he nibbled on some peanut butter toast and drank sweet tea Lea called Greg to tell him what had happened, and to reassure him that Norman was going to be just fine after a proper night’s sleep. Then she got them both ready for bed, and finally injected Norman with the Demerol. He held on to her hands tightly and gazed at her as the opioids took effect. She stayed by his side, stroking his wrists and smiling at him until he finally dropped off to sleep.

Lea untangled her hands from his carefully and got into bed herself. What a day! She didn’t like this one bit. Once again it had all come down to her helping him out of an impossible situation he had maneuvered himself into. It was business as usual, but it made her feel more and more dissatisfied.

*

When Norman was gone again when Lea woke the next morning she knew right away that things could not go on like they were. He had left a note again, and Lea crumpled it up as soon as she’d read it, tears in her eyes.

_You’ll have more fun on your own today. Tell reception to call you a cab and put it on the room. Go have fun in SD. We got more of the same all day. Will send you details about dinner. N x_

He probably meant it as a kindness. And he didn’t want her around, that much was clear from yesterday. He’d accepted it when he had no other choice, but he didn’t want her there to witness him overdoing it, and tell him off.

But why was she here, then? And what was she supposed to do today?

She didn’t want to see San Diego. It was too hot, and her hip was achy again. But sometimes it helped to go for short walks, and maybe a swim in the hotel pool would be nice, too. So, after a slow breakfast in their room, Lea got ready to go out. She decided being cross with Norman would serve no purpose and just ruin her day more. But something in her had shifted, and she sent a couple of emails and texts before she headed out.

She regretted going out almost instantly. It was simply too hot. Georgia was hot as well, and she hated it, but there she had the whole house to seek refuge in, and it was home now. This wasn’t home, and Lea felt exposed. She wanted to be alone, not surrounded by people, but the hotel room was too small and bland to spend all day in. So she took refuge in a Starbucks that didn’t look too packed, and spent twenty minutes resting and enjoying an iced latte. But then she noticed a growing gaggle of girls pointing and giggling in her direction, and before they could approach or start taking her picture Lea fled.

Outside was still sweltering. Not wanting to be stared at by fans, or worse, Lea reluctantly headed back to the hotel. She got into the room, which was cool and quiet, and lay down on the freshly made bed. She felt like crying.

Maybe she could raid the mini bar, or order half a dozen things from room service and indulge in a binge. It didn’t really matter anymore, did it? But then she pulled herself away from that line of thought immediately. This had to stop. This, right here, had to stop.

At that moment her phone rang. She pulled it out of her bag next to the bed, hoping against hope it would be Norman. It wasn’t, but when she saw the caller ID her heart still beat faster.

Rolling onto her back Lea took the call.

*

“Lea?”

Glancing around as she pulled the hotel room door closed behind her Lea saw Andy coming toward her down the hall. She froze, heart hammering. He was alone.

She had just woken from a long nap, and it was time now to arrange her next steps. Norman hadn’t called about dinner, and she had been secretly pleased. It was easier that way. But now here was Andy, and she would have to deal with him. She couldn’t afford to raise suspicions now, or let him get upset with her and cause a scene.

Andy stopped, still a few feet away, looking nervous and strangely determined. “I…I came to find you before… can we talk? Please?”

There was definitely some feeling there, deep inside her heart. Andy wasn’t a bad man. He was sweet, too, and clearly as upset but this as she was. Lea felt suddenly sad, not just for what she was about to do to Norman, but also about all the things that could have and never now would be with this man. She cared for Andy, as a friend, as someone who had helped her through a very rough time. He deserved to be heard.

“All right,” she said, and followed Andy down the hall to his own room.

 _It doesn’t matter,_ she thought as she walked in behind him and closed the door, _it’s all decided. But it hurts so damn much._

*

Andy knew almost before he spoke that it would be no good. What they’d done had been so wrong. There was no making it right now, or ever. But he had to try, it was driving him crazy.

She was different, now. Closed off. Her gaze was making him nervous, in a way he never got nervous. He should probably leave this be, but somehow he couldn’t.

“I know how this looks,” he began. “How it’ll be for everyone. We did a terrible thing. He… he doesn’t deserve this, and I wish we could start over. I can’t bear the thought that I hurt him, or you. It’s just… I can’t stop thinking about you, and that night…”

Lea stood right by the door, arms wrapped around herself as if to ward off a chill. Her face was a mask of misery and heartache, and again Andy had the feeling that a decision had been made before she even agreed to talk to him. What had she decided, though? What was going on?

“Andy, no…,” she whispered.

But he had to finish what he was determined to say. “I’ll talk to Gael, right away when we get back. It’s so wrong, but… I want to be with you. Every man will say that, I know. But…it’s the truth. Gael and I, that’s over… it has been for a long time, and we both know… Now, though…”

“ _No_ , Andy!” That was almost a shout now.

He wanted to go to her, hold her, so bad. Kiss away that pain from her face. But something stopped him.

“No, Andy,” Lea said again, more quietly now. “This is wrong. What we did… it was so wrong. I’ve already destroyed Norman and me,” and now there were tears in her eyes. “Don’t make me destroy your marriage as well. Let… let me keep some self-respect…”

For a moment she looked like she wanted to come to him, despite what she had just said. But then she turned and disappeared from the room before Andy could stop her. The door fell shut with a loud clang, and Andy stood and started at it, feeling numb.

He was still staring when a curt knock startled him a minute later. He hurried to the door, hope making his heart pound in his chest. He wrenched the door open.

“Lea…,” he gasped, but then stopped, and so did his heart.

“How could you?!” Melissa hissed, her eyes two icy blades of accusation. “ _How could you do this to him?_ And with her…”

Her hands balled into fists and for a moment Andy was sure she would hit him. But then she gave him one last, disgusted look, turned, and strode away.

The door handle slipped from Andy’s numb fingers and the door fell closed again.

There it was, his life burned to the ground, in less than fifteen minutes.

*

“Hey, brother, what’s up? I’m almost at the hotel, cab’s already…”

“She’s gone! Sean, she…she’s gone…”

Sean switched the phone to his other ear and moved close to the window in the back of the cab. He could see the Coronado already. “What’s that, brother? Who’s gone?”

“Lea, she… Sean, I fucked up so bad. And Mel… she and Andy…”

“Slow down, Norm. What about Mel and Andy?”

“Not…not Mel… Lea and Andy, they… Mel just told me. Sean, what the fuck’s happening? I’m losing my mind. I’m losing her, I…I can’t stand this…I…”

“Where are you, brother?”

“Our…our room…”

“Stay put. Don’t do anything stupid. I’m there in five. We’ll sort this out, all right? Norm, you with me?”

“Yeah…yeah, ok…”

“While you wait try to call Jon…”

“Tried him already, it’s going to answerphone…” Norman definitely sounded close to tears now. Sean’s insides clenched with worry.

“You want him bad right now, huh?”

There was a pause, then very quietly, “Yeah…”

“You keep trying Jon’s phone, he’ll pick up eventually. And I’ll be there real soon.”

“Ok… Oh god, Sean…”

“Norm, it’s gonna be ok. You can trust me, we will fix this.”

“Trust you, yeah… yeah I do…ok…”

The phone went dead just as the cab pulled up outside the Hotel de Coronado. If Sean hadn’t had to break a $50 note and wait for the driver to count out the change he would probably have missed the familiar figure he now saw lurking in the shadows by the entrance as he idly glanced out of the window.

When he finally had his money Sean got out and walked slowly over to Lea who was clutching her phone and glancing around herself nervously.

“You could’ve taken that taxi,” he said quietly and pointed behind himself, where his cab was now pulling away.

She looked up at him, startled. Her face, Sean now saw, was blotchy from crying. _Gentle,_ he reminded himself. _You got no idea what went down here, and he loves this one very much._

“I called an Uber, he should’ve been here twenty minutes ago. Gave up looking for a taxi, this city’s gone mad…”

Sean turned his gaze over to where a large group in colorful anime costumes were laughing and drinking. “That’s about right, yeah.” Then he glanced back at her and continued very quietly, “Don’t do this to him, Lea. He’s hurting bad. Talk to him, you can fix this…”

“No, Sean, we can’t. “She sounded firm, but infinitely sad. “There’s not enough left. I…I don’t think there ever was enough to make it work…” She wiped her eyes, then hugged herself tightly and shivered, even though the night was barely cooler than the days in this hellhole.

“Please, Lea,” Sean said, aware that he was pleading now and not even feeling ashamed. “Please…you gotta talk this out… He knows, about Andy…”

She flinched violently and he felt a stab of anger. So it was true. He’d hoped it had been a misunderstanding. But then, nobody’s perfect, and what right had he or Norman to judge anyone?

“How does he know?” Lea asked, and Sean’s estimation of her rose again. _At least she’s not trying to hide it,_ he thought, _and that’s more than can be said for our own fuck-ups._

“Not sure. But that’s beside the point. He’ll get over it…”

“I won’t,” she whispered. Sean waited, but nothing more was forthcoming.

“You love him,” Sean said, putting the full conviction he felt into the words. “I know you do, and he loves you, too. Lea, you got no idea how much he loves you. This, it’s totally new for him. He’s fucked-up, and I get it, I’d go crazy with him, too. But you owe him this talk. Shit, you owe it to yourself. If it ends like this, with you running away? It’ll break him, and I don’t think any of us could put him together again. Please, Lea, do it for that love…”

Tears were starting to run down her face, and Sean could feel his own eyes sting, too. He waited. He knew he had gotten through, there was no need to say more. After a moment Lea nodded. “You’re right. He deserves an explanation.”

Sean bent down and picked up her small bag from the ground. “C’mon.”

She followed him up the stairs, across the lobby and into the elevator. They didn’t speak, and she wouldn’t look at him for more than a fleeting second. When they got to the right floor Lea led the way to one of the rooms, but then stopped. Sean reached past her and knocked.

When Norman opened the door Sean’s insides clenched again with worry for his friend. Norman looked exhausted. His lips were entirely bloodless in his grey face, his hair stuck to his forehead in a sweaty mess. His eyes were red and puffy, and Sean could tell that he’d been crying.

Norman’s focus was entirely on Lea, who stood silent as a statue, staring. For a moment Sean wasn’t sure his friend wouldn’t just turn around and head back inside. He looked like he was about to be sick.

Sean gave Lea a little nudge. “Go on, you two. Talk.” He leaned past Norman into the room and dropped Lea’s bag. “I’ll be in the bar. Norm, brother, let her in.”

Norman stepped aside and Lea walked past him. Neither of them were paying Sean any heed. Sean watched as the door closed slowly. Then he pulled his phone out and turned toward the lifts.

He had a bad feeling about this, and he would need all the help he could get in dealing with the fall-out.

*

They stand and stare at each other. His head hurts, his heart is racing and he feels like he’s about to pass out.

 _No,_ he thinks, _no. Not anymore. Don’t be such a fucking pussy. It’s not about you. This is your fault, fucking fix this shit!_

“Doc,” he whispers, and can see right away that using the nickname was a mistake. Her face is full of pain, as if he’d given her a slap. He takes a step toward her, and is sure, for a second, that she’ll flinch away. He wouldn’t blame her if she did.

But then she comes to him and he hugs her close, and they’re both crying. He’s shaking hard, he can’t help it, and after a minute or so she lets go of him and takes his hands, and leads him to the bed where they both sit.

She keeps hold of his hands, her cool fingers gentle on his burning skin. She doesn’t look at him, and he suddenly finds it hard to breathe. His lungs have been so fucked up, but this is more. It feels like he’s suffocating. He knows he needs to say something, but is utterly unable to make a sound.

“I messed up.” It’s her speaking, but he knows he should say the same. He tries to get enough air for a response, but she’s faster. “What I did… there’s no excuse. It wasn’t planned, I didn’t mean for it to happen…” Now she looks at him, eyes full of sadness. “Don’t hate him, Norman. Don’t… don’t hate me…”

He feels so utterly exhausted he nearly slumps over and only catches himself at the last moment. “I don’t. I could never hate you, or Andy. It kills me, that it happened. But we can work it out. You stuck with me, too, and I fucked up so much worse…”

“No,” she interrupts him, shaking her head. She’s crying hard again, and her words are slurred, but he knows she means them. “No, Norman, we can’t work this out. Andy, that was a mistake. I turned to him when it all got too much. I should’ve just had the guts to tell you that I couldn’t do this any more. I wanted us to work. So much, you’ve got no idea. I wanted to be what you needed me to be, but… that never works. I forgot to be me. I got no idea who I am anymore, but I know, I’m not… this…”

She glances around the room, and he knows what she means. He understands now, how impossible this had been for her. He loves her for who she is – a smart, clever, independent woman – and yet he tried to change her, without meaning to. She was what he needed, and it’s in her nature to look after people. But that’s not all she should be, and he knew this, and yet he let it happen.

“I don’t know how to fix this,” he admits at last. “You gotta be you first, and I made you all about me. I never meant to…”

“I know, darling.”

The endearment hurts so much, but he loves to hear it, still. “I love you, Lea…”

She locks eyes with him again, and his vision is getting blurry with tears and the migraine that’s been coming all day. He mustn’t let her see. She can’t stay with him just cuz she feels sorry for him. He gets that now.

She’s so damn beautiful to him, even with her face blotchy from crying, her eyes bright. He grips her hands harder.

“I love you too,” she says, and another tear runs down her cheek. “It’s not enough.”

“I know,” he whispers. “I know…”

“This is killing me, it really is. But I can’t stay, I just can’t…”

“Where will you go?”

“New York, tonight. Then Chicago, Northwestern Memorial Hospital. Dr. M fixed it. The study I was involved in before is expanding, they need someone to oversee it there. And they have an outpatient center, too, so I can see patients. I get to be a doctor again, but with much less running around.”

His head hurts so much, and his heart is breaking. He closes his eyes, maybe she won’t see. She has a life, and he needs to let her live it. He could guilt her into staying, if he showed her just how sick he’s feeling, how much his chest hurts with every breath, but he can’t do that. He needs to let her be, cuz he loves her.

“Will…will I see you again?”

“Yes, Norman, yes. Oh I very much hope so! Here,” she puts something small into his hand. “I forgot to take it off when I left…”

He looks at the ring in his hand. “That was so stupid,” he whispers. “I knew you didn’t want to get married, I should’ve never asked it of you… It’s not us…”

“No, it’s not us. But asking wasn’t wrong. I could’ve told you no, I should’ve told you it wasn’t me…us…”

“I thought that might make it work. I owed you something, I wanted to give you so many things. But I can’t give you what you deserve…what I want, for us…”

“What is that, honey?” Her voice is so gentle, it hurts.

“A life with me. One that we can both love. I want to take you home to New York right now, and tell them all to fuck off. I want to get rid of that job that makes me feel like shit. I want to be well, and be with you. I want to stay home and paint, and make you dinner when you come home from the hospital…”

“But that’s not you, either,” she says quietly.

“No, it’s not,” he agrees, and wipes his eyes. “But I really wish it was.”


	7. Epilogue

“That better, baby?”

“Yeah, thanks Jonny…”

“All right then, time to sleep.”

Jon adjusted the cool cloth on Norman’s forehead, then dimmed the light and toed his shoes off. He’d climb into bed next to his friend in a moment, and keep watch.

They’d never made it to any party that night, or even out of Norman’s room. When he and Sean had come upstairs Lea had been waiting by the lifts. She had looked exhausted and terribly sad, but composed. And she had been holding her keycard in her hand, which she’d held out to Sean.

“I was going to come find you. Don’t let him be alone, ok?”

Sean had nodded but not said anything. Lea had gotten into the lift without another glance at either of them.

Jon and Sean had hurried to Norman’s room, apprehensive what they would find. It was about as bad as could’ve been expected. When Sean had opened the door the room had been empty, but they could hear Norman from the bathroom, retching and coughing.

For a while Jon had been sure they would need to call an ambulance, Norman just couldn’t move enough air between the painful sounding cough and the vomiting. He had clung to Jon with a vice-like grip, struggling and crying with the pain. Then, when they had finally gotten him to bed he wouldn’t take his migraine rescue medication.

“’s just gonna come back up,” he’d slurred more than once, and tried to prove the point with more retching, though there had been nothing left in his stomach.

“Why didn’t that woman leave the IV meds?” Jon had asked angrily of Sean while he tried to hold Norman who was writhing and fussing in his arms, struggling to breathe.

“Oh, she left them right here.” Sean had pointed them out. “Do you know how to inject him? I don’t.”

Jon didn’t, either. So they had continued to try and get Norman to drink the ginger tea they had ordered from room service, and cajole him into taking his meds. Finally, utterly exhausted and half-mad with the pain, Norman had given in.

Sean had stayed long enough to make sure the pills stayed down and the imminent crisis was over, but Jon could tell the other man was keen to get away. He couldn’t blame him. Norman’s misery was painful to witness.

But Jon wasn’t going to abandon his friend. He’d be here as long as Norman needed him, and he’d go back to Atlanta with him too, if Norman wanted it. Jon knew that the person his friend really needed right now was Lea, but since that was impossible he, Jon, would have to do.

“Don’t hate her, Jonny,” Norman murmured as Jon stretched out on the bed and pulled Norman into his arms.

“I don’t hate her, baby,” Jon reassured him. “But I hate that you’re hurting.”

“She was right, with everything. I wish she wasn’t…” Norman sounded sleepy now. “’s all shit, my life. She saw that, and she got away. ‘m glad about that, at least…”

Jon was deeply troubled by this. Norman would probably see things differently once he felt better, and once he got over the break-up. But what if he meant it, this time? He’d said it before, that this life was too much for him.

Was there anything he could do to really make things better for his friend? Jon didn’t know, but he had to think hard about it, that much was clear.

Right now, though, Norman needed to rest. Jon hugged him close and kissed his friend’s sweaty hair.

“You sleep now, baby, and we’ll worry about the rest tomorrow, all right?”

“Yeah,” Norman sighed. “Thanks, Jonny. Thanks f’stayin’ with me…”

“That’s what friends do, baby.”

“You’re my best friend, Jonny. You really are…”

“And you’re mine, Norman. I love you.”

“Love ya too, man. You got no idea how much…”

_Oh baby,_ Jon thought as Norman snuggled close and fell asleep. _Why is that never enough? But love’s all we got right now, and it’ll just have to do._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, you guys, I'm so sorry! :(


End file.
